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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Spousal maintenance when homeschooling?

57 replies

gaspard201 · 05/03/2023 19:15

I wonder if anyone has any experience of this. My granddaughter has a little girl who has autism. She hasn't worked since giving birth and has home schooled (child is now 6). She and her husband have split up and getting divorced. My friend told me that because my granddaughter home schools the little girl she could ask for spousal maintenance when they sort the money out? Is this true?

OP posts:
Yesthatismychildsigh · 05/03/2023 21:22

Spousal on 30k? I hope she takes a maths course if home schooling.

Donnashair · 05/03/2023 21:27

@gaspard201 where did your friend come up with this idea?

TennisWithDeborah · 05/03/2023 21:31

Some harsh answers on here. This woman isn’t “sitting at home” exactly. But yes, she needs to prepare for the likelihood that she’ll get no spousal maintenance and that her ex won’t volunteer to help her (financially) with the home ed. It may be the case however, that she will be able to manage on benefits and child maintenance if she’s frugal. I wish her luck.

millymollymoomoo · 06/03/2023 08:27

Zero chance of spousal
and even if she did ( she won’t) it will come off any benefits so she’d be no better off

Original poster
gaspard201 · 06/03/2023 08:56

We wondered if it was a possibility. I don't think the little girl qualifies for any benefits

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 06/03/2023 09:00

gaspard201 · 06/03/2023 08:56

We wondered if it was a possibility. I don't think the little girl qualifies for any benefits

Have they applied? Is the homeschooling just your gd choice or has school been too much for the little girl?
What level of support is she doing homeschooling with? There are some fantastic homeschool groups out there which is different to her just saying 'ill keep her home and do it myself' with no plan.

millymollymoomoo · 06/03/2023 09:03

If the child doesn’t receive any benefits that’s indicates that autism is ‘mild’ ( sorry im not dismissing her needs)
in which case it becomes a choice rather than need to homeschool - and it sounds like they can’t be financially supporter going forward in reality

OverTheRubicon · 06/03/2023 09:14

How would it be in the child's best interests to have one or both parents impoverished so she can be homeschooled? Also, why would it be helpful for the taxpayer to fund both families (as they'd both likely need benefits in this case) when there is a parent who could work and a child who could take a school place?

Different in cases like @SpinningFloppa where there are significant extra needs - there'd still be no spousal maintenance but with significant additional needs it can be impossible to work a regular job or attend regular school in any case, so it can make sense to homeschool. It's also often a very challenging day to day life, with nowhere near enough money given levels of need, it's not like choosing to homeschool a child with no or minimal SEN, which can be much more of a choice and an often easier life than being a working single parent of a school age kid.

There are single mums who work from home around home schooling - if she's really committed she could look at that. However realistically and with a father with parental rights and a different view, she should be looking at local schools

Shinyandnew1 · 06/03/2023 09:43

Has the child ever been to school, @gaspard201 ?

FatGirlSwim · 06/03/2023 10:03

She needs to apply for dla for her child. If she has been diagnosed as autistic it is likely she needs enough care to qualify (not all do. It’s not linked to diagnosis but to care needs).

if awarded DLA at middle rate care or higher, your gd can then apply for carers allowance which means she will not be expected to look for work as part of her benefits claim.
The dla will also exempt her from the benefits cap.

Crazycrazylady · 06/03/2023 10:33

Zero chance of spousal maintenance in three circumstances.

Honestly I wonder sometimes in the event of divorce that people have such bonkers expectations. He earns 30k a year and will need to house and feed himself and pay maintenance.
It's loaves and fishes I'm afraid.

Retractable · 06/03/2023 10:46

It’s not a given that a child with ASC does qualify for DLA and carer’s allowance for their mother. Many, many autistic people (of any age) do not come close to qualifying for that.

It may well just be the mother’s preference to homeschool and continue to stay at home. The father isn’t on board with the homeschooling which suggests it might well be.

gamerchick · 06/03/2023 10:49

gaspard201 · 06/03/2023 08:56

We wondered if it was a possibility. I don't think the little girl qualifies for any benefits

DLA and then carers allowence.

Yesthatismychildsigh · 06/03/2023 11:00

@Crazycrazylady @Retractable i do have to wonder if the mother of this child is seeing the ex as a meal ticket. It’s so beyond reasonable and even beyond realistic.

54isanopendoor · 06/03/2023 11:18

TennisWithDeborah · 05/03/2023 21:31

Some harsh answers on here. This woman isn’t “sitting at home” exactly. But yes, she needs to prepare for the likelihood that she’ll get no spousal maintenance and that her ex won’t volunteer to help her (financially) with the home ed. It may be the case however, that she will be able to manage on benefits and child maintenance if she’s frugal. I wish her luck.

My STBEXH earns similar. We have 2 children with ASD.
I didn't 'home ed' but their difficulties in the education system were such that I now wish I had. (they are now 18 & nearly 16 - both only p/t education throughout, with endless changes, school refusal / flight, plus Meetings galore...)

I have not been able to hold down a job & parent them, especially solo. It took me a while to accept this as it is very limiting & isolating & future destroying.

They both receive DLA & I now claim Carers allowance topped up by Income Support. It's not much & it will end as they reach adulthood.
I will be 60+ with a 22 year gap in my CV ie totally stuffed.

I appreciate that the level of disablity of the child is unclear but I highly doubt the OP's Grandaughter is 'sitting around at home' especially is she is H/Edding.

What is the Father doing to support their ASD child (apart from maintenance)?

Shinyandnew1 · 06/03/2023 11:43

Retractable · 06/03/2023 10:46

It’s not a given that a child with ASC does qualify for DLA and carer’s allowance for their mother. Many, many autistic people (of any age) do not come close to qualifying for that.

It may well just be the mother’s preference to homeschool and continue to stay at home. The father isn’t on board with the homeschooling which suggests it might well be.

Can you clarify any more details that might help here, @gaspard201 ?

Has the daughter an ASD diagnosis?
Did she ever attend school?
Would she qualify for carers allowance/DLA?
Does the husband currently pay for all of the bills?

OverTheRubicon · 06/03/2023 12:25

Why are all these people saying she needs to apply for DLA, when op hasn't said once about any additional needs

? The mother has also not worked since birth - which could show earlier issues (but if so, the great grandmother would surely not be saying there is nothing that qualifies for benefits), but is also a strong sign of a preference or potentially of the mother's own challenges.

Many autistic people don't qualify for anything, many (though certainly not all) SEN children do greatly benefit from school attendance, and while home ed can be fantastic (or at least better than the woeful state provision for some kids), there is a bit of a blind spot on MN about the many cases where it is to meet the needs or wants of a parent and not in the child's best interests.

Shinyandnew1 · 06/03/2023 12:28

Why are all these people saying she needs to apply for DLA, when op hasn't said once about any additional needs

@gaspard201 says the child has autism in the OP.

Posters are trying to establish if there is an autism diagnosis, if school has been attempted, if there’s an EHCP, if there would be any benefits that would enable the mum to continue home educating etc but @gaspard201 hasn’t replied to any questions so we don’t know anything else.

Retractable · 06/03/2023 12:41

Shinyandnew1 · 06/03/2023 12:28

Why are all these people saying she needs to apply for DLA, when op hasn't said once about any additional needs

@gaspard201 says the child has autism in the OP.

Posters are trying to establish if there is an autism diagnosis, if school has been attempted, if there’s an EHCP, if there would be any benefits that would enable the mum to continue home educating etc but @gaspard201 hasn’t replied to any questions so we don’t know anything else.

Oh come on. Autism is not a singular thing where everyone faces the same challenges.

Many autistic people - adults and children - do not qualify for disability benefits. They may have additional needs within education and may require reasonable adjustments at work but let’s not automatically jump from autism to an assumption that higher rate DLA is the default.

You are right that there’s not enough information here to give meaningful advice. Precisely because autistic 6 year olds can be very different and one parent who wants to home educate is not inherently indicative of anything beyond that the parent prefers to home educate (some parents do, for lots of different reasons).

It doesn’t mean the mother is a lazy parasite or whatever either. It may we be that it’s just not a realistic choice for the mother in this situation. Not everyone who would choose to can afford to home educate their child. That’s how these things go.

It’s also the case that the parents don’t agree - but there’s not enough information about exactly what the disagreement is. It could be that the father genuinely believes the child would benefit from attending school and the mother just wants to home educate. Or it could be that school is entirely unsuitable and the father is in denial of that. Or something in the huge area between those two options.

Shinyandnew1 · 06/03/2023 12:52

Oh come on. Autism is not a singular thing where everyone faces the same challenges.

I agree. Which is why some answers would be useful.

Original poster
gaspard201 · 06/03/2023 16:36

The child has an autism diagnosis and has never been to school. We did look at a school but she is very anxious and her mum was keen to home school. Thank you all for your thoughts. It has been very interesting to hear your thoughts

OP posts:
FatGirlSwim · 06/03/2023 17:53

I work in this area. Most children with a diagnosis of autism (which by default means a significant impact on daily life) will have sufficient needs to qualify.

Not for higher rate, which they rarely will. Many do qualify for middle rate care and low rate mobility.

If the forms are filled in properly and the parent is helped to consider how much extra care their child is requiring (often we don’t realise how much the small things we do add up), most will qualify for an award.

millymollymoomoo · 06/03/2023 19:41

Seems like mother quick to hone school
rather than to find ways to settle her child into school and help work on any anxiety

BetterFuture1985 · 06/03/2023 20:19

Zero chance of spousal maintenance not because there isn't a need but because there is no ability to pay. But depending on the daughters disability either the wife will be expected to work or otherwise there will be universal credit, child benefit, possibly a carers allowance and also child maintenance. That could mean there is next to no difference in their respective incomes?

millymollymoomoo · 07/03/2023 07:57

Most likely would mean her income would be higher ….