Playing the delaying game -financial

[Iworkmiricles]

Long story short, I sent my first financial offer in August 2022. I didn't get a response until February 2023.
I responded straight away with a counter offer, and they were asked to respond within 14 days which they haven't.

So a letter is going to get sent saying that if he doesn't respond, it's going to arbitration or court.

My other option is to just agree to his offer. He has requested a 50/50 so he would get £22k, (though I am going for a 60/40 so £18.5k)l I would have to sell the house to give him this all at once, but the children are still dependants, so under the Mesher order, I don't have to sell until the youngest is 18 & out of full time education.

Do I do arbitration which is going to cost a fortune and make him settle or do I just accept his offer?

I have paid for everything for years, he doesn't work, he doesn't contribute to the house and looking back it's been years of low level but there, coercive control. It sticks in my throat to let him get his own way.

Accept his offer.
There is no point fighting over £3.5k.
Your costs could be far larger than this, not counting the stress and the prolonging the situation
I get that it sticks in your throat but accept and walk away.
The peace of mind is priceless.

Are you combined assets only £35k?

How confident are you that you won’t have to pay the order immediately but can wait til youngest is 18? What are the child arrangements? If he has them 50-50 too, how is he housing himself if he doesn’t have a lump sum now?

Accept it so you can move on. Make a financial decision, not an emotional one. Reframe it as business.

Combined assets are more, that's the division of the equity on the house, which is £44K ish.

Pensions etc are actually quite equal because he had some good ones before he stopped working. Shame he didn't decide to stay a functioning adult and reverted back to being a stroppy teenager.

I would have to give him some money now (which I can do) but not the whole cost. I would stipulate that he gets that when the house is sold and say it's a fixed fee and hope to god the market doesn't crash!

Thanks people, I think I just needed so think "out loud" as it were and confirmation I am doing the right thing.

Still stinks though.

If the difference you are chasing is only £3.5k, then settle now. Yes, it’s rubbish that you have to, but arbitration/court will cost far more than that.

my exH is also delaying everything at every turn. it has been 5 years now, still not settled, and the money wasted on mediation, solicitors, court fees, counsel, etc is eye watering. He is currently not responding to my offer (following arbitration), but the difference between our offers is over £100k, so worth pursuing.

honestly, for the peace of mind you will have, settle, and start to move on.

Have you checked about the Mesher? It's my understanding that they are becoming rarer because courts favour a clean break as soon as possible especially when the lower earner is relying on the sale of the house for their share of the money?

Elf- that is rotten. I'll bet he isn't still living with you though. that's my biggest issue.
Is this the end - interesting. I wasn't aware of that. He can have half the money up front as it were and to be honest, I will sell the house sooner rather than later anyway but daughters are in GCSE / A levels so I'm not moving them until they are done. I just need him to move out.

He isn’t still living with me now, no. It took 18 months for him to move out, though. By that point, I had just pulled the plug on mediation (it took 7 months to get him to even start mediation, then he messed around with that so much that 4 sessions took a further year to arrange), and hadn’t even started court/financials. 3.5 years later, we are sadly not much further on, although at least we do now live separately.

Elf - how did you get him to go? Mine just says it's because he can't afford to (getting a job would probably help him with this)

You can’t force him to go until you have agreed financial split and settlement and as part of that agreement it affords him to house himself

you are unlikely to be granted a mesher unless it’s you that has no other opinions to house yourself and children without it. They are increasingly uncommon and doesn’t sound like in your situation it would necessarily be granted