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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

WWYD? Two separate but awful properties

49 replies

itsmehiimtheproblemitssme · 02/03/2023 13:45

I'm newly separated and I've been offered two diff properties with the council.
One is a semi detached house in a really rough area, the house is ok at best (spacious but living room flooring needs replacing). Also the garden is an absolute mess, it's just mud mixed with weeds, no fencing, full of litter from neighbours and apparently has an ongoing pest problem (lovely).
The other is a flat. The flat is top floor, it's absolutely gorgeous inside and needs no work, it's in a rough but not as rough area...the catch is the block looks awful from the outside. Think soviet union style block of flats...and I would take it in a heartbeat but worried my son will be ashamed to live there for the next few years. (Although tbf, the block doesn't have a reputation and seems quite quiet). He's only 1 right now...I have started saving for a mortgage as private renting is so insanely overpriced... obviously not there yet with savings but I'm gonna need to find somewhere I can at least be comfortable for the next few years.
WWYD?

OP posts:

Original poster

itsmehiimtheproblemitssme · 02/03/2023 16:02

minford · 02/03/2023 15:58

I think it's fine to give yourself a few months to plan, judge finances, your work patterns and so on. But not longer. The younger the children are, probably the easier it is to get a new system going and for them to adjust to a new routine before hormones kick in. You can still be amicable and be a few steps ahead if that's what you need - and I understand that - before being so far gone in your thinking that dh will feel totally deceived.

? I'm not sure if this comment was meant to be on this post. I now have no DH and the decision is mine alone...and unfortunately only have a few days to decide as the council are getting very impatient (understandably)

OP posts:

Crikeyalmighty · 02/03/2023 16:11

100% the flat

averylongtimeago · 02/03/2023 16:23

Have a look at the local nursery and primary school- that might help you make up your mind.
If the flat is in a nicer area, then go for that imo. Especially if the road is quieter. Is there a local park for outside play near the flat?
A rat infested mud patch with the neighbours chucking their rubbish in sounds dreadful.

WaitingForSunnyDays · 02/03/2023 16:30

Location, location... The flat every time, so long as you can do a couple of evening checks, including the weekend. If you can be brave and knock on a neighbour's door and ask them, even better. What the outside looks like really does matter.

Londono · 02/03/2023 16:41

Another vote for the flat, and it will be cheaper to run re bills etc.

ChilliBandit · 02/03/2023 16:48

I grew up in a maisonette exactly as you describe, in fact the surroundings sounds so similar with the bungalows I wonder if it’s the same place! (SE London). 3 & 4th floor too in an ugly block but quiet road. It had a balcony on both floors which helped and a big park nearby. It was honestly fine, my friends lived in nicer and worse houses but none of us cared really. My brother and I would walk along to the park to play aged 10 plus. It was nice having separate floors. Felt like a house inside really. I’d chose the flat and rarely do I say that!

Barannca · 02/03/2023 16:55

The flat because neither options are perfect but you say the house is in a horrendous area. Don't underestimate how awful it is to live in an area with a very bad reputation.
Also it sounds as though you would have to spend a lot on the house to make it habitable anyway.
I wouldn't give the outside of the flat a second thought.

Twiglets1 · 02/03/2023 16:57

The flat sounds much nicer and easier to maintain and your son won't worry about stuff like that for literally years, maybe never

Nanatokidsdogshampsters · 02/03/2023 17:08

The Flat then save for a mortgage.

Jas683 · 03/03/2023 08:47

Go with your gut feeling and reading your post it is telling me the flat is for you.

Good luck with whatever you do.

BaroldFromEastenders · 03/03/2023 08:51

Take the flat and save the extra money for a mortgage.

Petronus · 03/03/2023 08:54

The flat. I’ve lived in a house in an awful area and i would always go for the smaller place in the better area now if I was choosing again.

reddingweddy · 03/03/2023 08:57

The flat, definitely. You won't care what the outside looks like once you're inside. The house sounds horrific.

Original poster

itsmehiimtheproblemitssme · 03/03/2023 09:51

Thanks again for the responses and to everyone wishing me luck (I'm gonna need it lol).
I went to the flats last night and knocked what would be my closest neighbour...he said it's pretty quiet and it did seem that way. I went at 9pm and didn't see or hear a thing.
The only thing is it is heavily cctv'd...it feels like a bit of a prison really. Neighbour says the neighbourhood officer watches the cameras very regularly..I have nothing to hide but it kind of creeps me out. But the house really would be a nightmare too.
I never thought I'd be in this position...only a couple of months ago I had a beautiful home and was happy in my relationship.

OP posts:

derbylass81 · 03/03/2023 10:13

I would choose the flat, especially as it's over two floors.

The houses garden sounds unusable, unsafe and unpleasant, so it's of no benefit really. It'll cost you thousands to sort the flooring and the garden, money which you would be better saving. Not to mention the time it would take to make it nice - not easy with a 1 year old.

So I would go for the flat, ans then when you consider it's a slightly better area - no brainer.

Everybodywants · 03/03/2023 10:39

In your situation as a new single parent with a baby definitely the flat for the following reasons:

Better area, safer in terms of security (higher floor more doors to get through) cctv and neighbours around you, cheaper on bills easier to heat etc. Plus things like say if your Internet goes down a close neighbour may let you borrow, you can take in parcels for each other etc, more of a community/support network for you at this difficult time.

MaryBoggintonTrotterSmyke · 03/03/2023 10:43

I would take the cctv as a bonus! Motorbikes outside waking me and the baby up every night would be awful, plus terrible neighbours etc... The flat every time, I think.

Jas683 · 03/03/2023 11:03

MaryBoggintonTrotterSmyke · 03/03/2023 10:43

I would take the cctv as a bonus! Motorbikes outside waking me and the baby up every night would be awful, plus terrible neighbours etc... The flat every time, I think.

I agree, CCTV is a bonus and everywhere now.

Original poster

itsmehiimtheproblemitssme · 04/03/2023 21:12

Hi everyone. Thanks for your advice.
I have decided to take the flat. It is for sure an ugly block of flats but to have my own clean and safe space which I can make comfortable will be amazing. I've managed to get a few more hours at work with baby is with his dad...so things are looking up I think. I hope I'll be happy there :)

OP posts:

Jas683 · 05/03/2023 08:45

itsmehiimtheproblemitssme · 04/03/2023 21:12

Good luck 🤞 one step at a time with your future and your new life.

BaroldFromEastenders · 05/03/2023 13:16

Good luck with everything op

Twiglets1 · 05/03/2023 16:18

itsmehiimtheproblemitssme · 04/03/2023 21:12

Good Luck, you deserve it

ChilliBandit · 05/03/2023 16:46

Best of luck OP!

Crikeyalmighty · 05/03/2023 17:26

I think it's a wise move OP- a house is good -- but not if it's a bit of a dog, in a horrible area and will cost you thousands

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