My stbexh has driven me mental with his controlling behaviour for some time.. I left with the children last August (as he wouldn't leave the family home). We left with a bag of clothes each and not much else. We stayed in temporary accommodation and I struggled financially due to many reason but mainly because I was keeping us afloat with a daily 50 mile round trip to and from school (from September to December - huge fuel costs) and buying essentials - bedding, cooking supplies etc. We got by, now we are in our new forever home and I've upped my working hours to keep the money coming in. I've bought us all new beds, furniture, white goods and so on.. every month I budget to get something else! The house we were given was an empty shell so saving for carpets currently. We are happy and grateful for the new start, his spanner in the works is however impacting on what money I do have.
I left because I discovered his double life whilst working abroad. It had gone on for years, the level of deceit was massive! I tried to get over it but I just couldn't - who would.. anyways, I tried to reason with him and he just kept saying he wasn't leaving and if he did he'd leave all the business debts piss off overseas and leave me high and dry - so I went. He has backdated the costs incurred since I left : half the car insurance, my mobile bill, half the RAC etc.
obviously this has mounted up overtime and to keep the peace I've just been paying him back monthly. He's supposed to pay CM every 1st of the month.. he never does. This month I've hit the wall with all this nonsense, I've looked at the spreadsheet and added my own incurred costs.. pottery club, Cubs annual camp costs, English heritage monthly membership fees and so on. Turns out he owes me (and that's without the whole new house costs im forking out because of his affair)!
Now I know the best thing to do is see a solicitor and that is my intention next Tuesday at the DV drop in centre as it's a free consultation. Up until now I just haven't had the mental capacity to do so as finding a home and getting the children settled was my main focus.
Anyone dealt with something similar? Am I just being petty? Should I just suck it up pay him and grey rock? I'm trying to be civil for the sake of the children but feel this is just another way of him controlling me. He won't pay CM unless I ask for it.. and will always remind me of his spreadsheet (via email) same every month. Fortunately I've built a safety net and can pay the bills and keep us fed, watered and warm. This is keeping me awake at night.. 😵💫 Any advice gratefully appreciated.