Telling kids when they have no idea there is a problem

[TotallyLosttonight]

How do you do it? My STBXH and I have decided we will tell the children once he has somewhere to live. He's still in the family home for now. The children have no clue there is an issue (age 8 & 13). Has anyone done this? How will they take it?

At 8 & 13 I'd say deal with it with openness and as much honesty as is due.
Mine were 8 & 3 when the ex left. The coward wouldn't speak to the kids with me although repeatedly said he would, so left it to me to tell them. Obvs the 3yo didn't bat an eyelid, but the 8yo had questions that couldn't be answered by me alone and he's never answered to this day and she resents him for it (she's 13 now).
It's not an easy conversation to start, but if you're amicable and both there to answer questions and provide comfort, it will soften the blow. They could be involved in his house hunting - their new bedrooms, which I'm sure will help make the whole process easier.

Good luck! 💕

Honestly at that age I'd be surprised if if they don't know that something isn't right.

Your children know your relationship isn't working. They aren't dumb.

They really have no idea. Look at my other threads, this is something I found out a couple of weeks ago and it is marriage ending. We don't argue or anything.

Hi, I had this when we told the DC about our split at the start of Jan. They are 12 & 10 and really didn't expect it at all.

They were both very very upset but now end of Feb ExDH is in his new house (since mid Jan) kids are visiting with ever increasing regularity and it's going better than I expected

We never argued in fact we got on fine as friends just not as husband and wife. The kids asked lots of questions but nothing about that, nothing about why we hadn't told them earlier, or how surprised they were. I thought that would be an issue too, but it just wasn't.

I hope it goes well, if you want do PM me please do.

I am in the same boat. Not told my 9yo yet. Waiting for moving date and past trip we will go on together. He doesn't like spending time with his dad... May start if that's only weekend every fortnight. Very anxious about telling him. We never argued... but stopped being loving couple a while back.

Good luck!

@PilchardsonToast thank you! That's good to know. I don't really want them asking questions about 'why'. That would be difficult to answer :(

@Gertruuude we've also just been away on a family trip. Putting a brave face on all day was exhausting. Good luck with yours too x