Overwhelmed after leaving 14 year relationship

[Keria88]

I have so many emotions after leaving 14 year relationship. Ive not been happy for years. It was such a toxic relationship with dp always making me question my sanity. I have been a single Mum in a relationship. I did 95% of parenting and housework as well as working pt. dp put his work before our children and I. I tried so hard to make it work. But I couldn't continue. He was happy for me to stay and be unhappy, but not willing to make small changes to try and make it work and take some pressure off. he constantly made me feel small for even suggesting leaving a relationship for 1, not being happy and for 2, not helping me and watching me burn myself out. Because these are 'pathetic reasons' to leave a relationship and i must have mental problems because it's pathetic. He said we're a team. Your doing your share and im doing mine. I can't even remember the last time i had a bath alone, went shopping alone or even catched up with friends without bringing my children. He has insulted my Mum, my appearance, my friends. He has zero patience with children, always snapping at them for just being children. And I just had enough of being unhappy. I saved up and got us a house and moved out. It's been a week and he's been so cold with me which i predicted. And im happy ive gone and putting myself and children first but also sad that it's ended. Just so sad that we weren't enough for him to change. And now I'm getting the guilt trip of leaving a relationship and changing our childrens lives because im selfish and apparently it's all about me.

Its such a hard thing to do but you’ve done it. Well done. Just look forward now not back. You’ll have a happier calmer life ahead..

How are you doing now? I'm going through a very similar experience(toxic, not treating kids well, single parent in relationship). Had to end it for their sake and now struggling with the guilt trips from him. Having to see him regularly because of contact. Wanted to keep the family together and would have sacrificed my own happiness indefinitely. He knows exactly what to say to make me doubt, just like yours. Also 14 years ( v.similar here) is such a long time isn't it- I feel like I'm grieving - his family too not just him.

Hope you are doing ok.x

@Chipsandcheese123 I'm doing well. I still have some contact a few days a week because of the children and we are being quite civil and on good terms (for now). It's hard, i feel awful that I've broken up the family home, because the children weren't really aware of the whole situation, i miss our home but im happier, im more patient with the children because im allowing them to be children and make noise where as ex dp wanted our dc seen and not heard and
Id always find myself moaning at them for nothing and silly reasons because if dp told them off he could be harsh. You tried your best and that's all you could of done. Life will get easier and happier. Sounds so cheesy but you will get your old glow back that he stole from you. Don't let him bully or intimidate you to go back. That's your choice. Think of why you left if you feel yourself doubting your decision. Will he change? Probably not. Send me a message anytime you need to xx