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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Pension vs House - i don't want to be stitched up

56 replies

whycantitbecalm · 20/02/2023 14:43

Apologies if this has been answered a million times before but, we are at the stage where we are sorting out finances.

Background:

Married 19 yrs together 22
I am 42 he is 51
We have 3 teens: 13,15 & 16

I am a SAHM with a small lifestyle business turning over between 5-10k annually
I have no pension

He works full time earning 150k annually, with two pensions worth 100k & 650k

We own our home together, 100k left on mortgage, worth around 500k

My Question:

So his biggest worry is that i'll take his pensions. We are about to start mediation, i am concerned that he is going to come to me with an offer of "you keep the house and i'll keep my pensions" (he's a salesman and emotionally abusive and manipulative, hence the divorce)
Selling it to me as a good idea, and blindsiding me with security for our boys short term (who are staying with me)

Anyone have any clue how this should go, and what is a more reasonable settlement?
This is so confusing, and as a wife to someone who has always managed to prey on my naivety for over 20 yrs i can't let this happen again.

Kind advice welcome

OP posts:
Mumof3confused · 03/03/2023 21:23

You need legal advice, some of the advice on this thread is VERY wrong.

You just insist on a pensions actuary report. It’s expensive but 100% worth it. Pensions aren’t really worth what the CETV states. It can be much, much more. Because he’s quite a bit older they will
be able to calculate a split which means you are equal at retirement age - or recommend a cash for pensions split. (Cash is worth more than pension).

Since he has a higher mortgage capacity it’s likely you will also get larger share of the equity. But you will be most likely expected to get a job.

millymollymoomoo · 03/03/2023 21:49

His mortgage capacity will also be impacted by the fact he’s 51, not 43 and has less time to pay vs op

Mumof3confused · 03/03/2023 22:07

Also who has the kids. Is it 50:50 or is he having them every other weekend? This can also play into the division of capital. Get legal advice.

SueVineer · 03/03/2023 22:44

Sayonarastu · 20/02/2023 23:02

Oh she should skin him.

Anything you earn in top whilst still bringing up your fairly young kids is fine.

You don’t need to be paying your way into old age. You will have his pension pot, yr state pension, you will be fine.

@millymollymoomoo get yourself to work my dear and pay your way. Let the OP take the portion she is entitled to. And the guy can get back to work to make up the difference as he’s only 52.

Skin him guilt free. He took your liberties away too with you having to bring up kids. Guilt free, remember.

Show quote history

Her kids are teenagers and she’s 42! She has half her working life ahead and she’s not even earning minimum wage. Nowhere near it. She has saved no pension whatsoever. She needs a job. Even if she gets the house she needs to afford to run it

Babyroobs · 03/03/2023 22:53

Soontobe60 · 20/02/2023 14:57

First off, you need to get a full time job. Then you need to get a solicitor. You cannot blame your Dh for your lack of pension provision.
as he’s considerably older than you, I can see he may well get more of his pension because you’ve got another 30+ working years to build yours up.

This.
I would go for the majority of the house if possible and even a small mortgage would be manageable as you'll likely get a lot of child maintenance for at least the next five years giving you a chance to improve your earnings. It would give you security and mean you don't have the upheaval of selling and disrupting the kids unless of course you want to have somewhere new. But of course as others have said, you need a good lawyer.

SueVineer · 07/03/2023 15:13

Babyroobs · 03/03/2023 22:53

This.
I would go for the majority of the house if possible and even a small mortgage would be manageable as you'll likely get a lot of child maintenance for at least the next five years giving you a chance to improve your earnings. It would give you security and mean you don't have the upheaval of selling and disrupting the kids unless of course you want to have somewhere new. But of course as others have said, you need a good lawyer.

Show quote history

She earns 5-10k. She won’t get a mortgage never mind a manageable one.

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