Guidance needed. I'm sinking

[EVliving]

My ex has told me that even though we have shared care 50/50, I need to do the lions share of school runs so they can work. So the school runs on the 50% time they have our son.

I want to change this but they have said they can't and if I push it they won't do their 50% and will pay me CMS. I work shifts so can't except this. How can I change it. I really am sinking and struggling. I just want them to be responsible when its their time with our son.

Nobody can force anyone to do 50% care or any care for that matter.

You can't. Let them relinquish their 50% and have your ds more. Surely that's better for him than being somewhere where he isn't wanted and his very basic needs (ie being taken to school) are not met.

I get that you have to work too but surely there are ways around it? If he isn't willing to be the residential parent or 50% co parent then he's going to have to pay something.

@taxpayer1

I understand what you are saying, but I managed to arrange childcare for my 50% why cant they just arrange theirs for the time that they should be responsible. I feel like a walk over and a mug. They still want to be single yet still enjoy the flexibility of having a partner.

@jellybelly22

The point is I'm struggling to cope dealing with everything. I cant do 100% and hold down my job, imagine if I said I cant do my 50%. Its just seen as a given. Sorry.

Have you checked universal credit's 85% childcare payments, tax-free childcare, and depending on the age the 15/30 hours free childcare?

@taxpayer1 Thanks for info, its not a money issue, just having to cover childcare on their 50% of time. Yet I sort all mine out for my time.

Your ex partner sounds incredibly selfish, and I would be disgusted by their attitude of "if you can't do the school runs I want you to, I'm not having DC at all". Don't they give a shit about spending time with their child?

I think you've every right to be annoyed and frustrated by this - 50/50 means just that, and if it's not working there are more amicable ways to try and work it out. But it's ultimately their responsibility to sort any childcare on their days, including for the school run. You shouldn't be forced into a difficult position in your own job to facilitate them. And if I were your DC and they are old enough to understand, I'd be very hurt by this.

@MsFrog

Your ex partner sounds incredibly selfish, and I would be disgusted by their attitude of "if you can't do the school runs I want you to, I'm not having DC at all". Don't they give a shit about spending time with their child?

It could be all bluff to get their own way but is it a risk I take. I guess I need legal advice, why cant anything ever be easy.

It sounds like a bluff to me. I would call it because if you don't, they'll keep playing you. If he does give up custody at least you know where you stand and can plan. If he cares so little, he will probably give it up anyway.

It has to be give and take. Just tell him its impossible for you to do this and he will need to arrange a childminder for the times he can't cover.,

@EVliving you don't have to be sorry, it's bloody hard work. But I don't think you can rely on these people and in the meantime your ds will be picking up on it. If you scrap the 50/50 arrangement you could claim money which could go towards a childminder. At least then you would set the arrangements and not be blackmailed into doing what your ex demands.

If he has 50/50 then the time he has the children is his responsibility to make sure he can get them to school etc. it’s not your responsibility on his time, he’s taking advantage. If he can’t manage to have responsibility of the kids on his time then you both need to come up with an alternative arrangement

Call his bluff. If you say no what's he going to do? Take them to work? If he reduced his time with them would that be so bad, assuming he pays CMS? (which he would have to as he's given up his time with them expressly so he can work)

I stupidly did exactly this for about 3 months before I'd had enough and called my exs bluff. It got to the point I really resented him for it, and I was majorly stressed and upset all the time. Plus I didn't want to see my ex anymore than I had to.

It worked he sorted his days childcare out and now the youngest goes to after school club.

Not sure you'll find the same response but you need to be firm and just tell him your not doing it.

I had all sorts of guilt trips from my ex "oh, I thought you'd wanna see the kids everyday" etc.. but I held strong and it worked out for the best.

Thanks all for your replies, i have booked an appointment with a solicitors now. So at least I can get an objective view on it all.