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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Single mums co-housing?

26 replies

Smooksy · 14/02/2023 16:17

Hi everyone

Just curious as to whether anyone else out there has had the discussions that my group of single mums have been having about living together? Basically coming together as a small group of single mums, finding a suitable property for co-housing. We think the benefits would be incredible, especially now, in this cost of living crisis. Built in babysitting, car sharing, dog walking, and a general care share support network! Feeling safe and loved. Please share your thoughts.

OP posts:
Meggymoo777 · 14/02/2023 16:28

Sounds like a dream as long as everyone has their own space... can I come live with you guys too?

inloveandmarried · 14/02/2023 16:36

I also think this would be incredible. You'd have to be really good friends and have good communication skills so no one is taken advantage of.

Also parenting styles could differ.

I spent extended holidays with a close friend and our children and it was bliss. We spent the time with the intuition to get on with whatever was needed. Filled in the gaps without needing to say. So one would sort out the 4 children breakfast, the other packed lunches, one would wash the other ironed. One would bath them them the other would dry and into pjs. It was half the energy at all times, and we would sit and drink wine and talk in the evenings. Honestly, it was bliss. But, we parent and run our houses in very similar ways.

For this to be permanent you'd need house rules and space and a short initial lease/ contract in case it didn't work out.

If I'd have been a single mum I would have done this.

Catoneverychair · 14/02/2023 17:39

Bloody hell no, I'd fall out with the very few friends I have. I don't think this could work for me.

RaininSummer · 14/02/2023 17:42

Could be great but you would need to agree on quite a few things not least how to deal with children's behaviour and things like screen time to avoid conflict.

napody · 14/02/2023 17:43

Could work. I think it'd be important to agree what would happen if one of you started a new relationship.

Everydayitsgettingcloser · 14/02/2023 17:46

I have a couple of friends who have done this. It was good for a while but two problems emerged:

Firstly disagreements over having boyfriends over

Secondly - obviously with teenagers - the kids dating each other which is just all round awkward

SpinningFloppa · 14/02/2023 23:37

No would hate this, different parenting styles/ having to deal with other people’s kids/ new partners etc no no no I hear a lot of people talking about this recently but heard of anyone actually doing it. I think there’s a reason why it’s not popular

Isthatthetimeeh · 14/02/2023 23:45

I think this is a better idea for women with grown up kids not living at home. You'd have to be completely aligned on rules and values or you'll be on the relationship or step parenting boards, despite neither being applicable

Original poster
Smooksy · 15/02/2023 08:58

I agree you would have to have very similar approaches to boundaries and good communication skills to work through anything that came up...much like any relationship I guess.

Divorce and parenting are very emotional experiences especially when faced alone. Financial and child rearing pressures also mean that, for single parents there is very little room for self care and meaningful connection with other adults. Surely shared living arrangements can help tackle this problem.

Despite being a novel idea, and perhaps not for everyone, I wouldn't be surprised to see this type of arrangement becoming more popular in future. Smile

OP posts:
Meggymoo777 · 15/02/2023 15:05

Read this article ages ago and sent it to my girlfriends! 😅 I agree with you @Smooksy I think this arrangement may become more common!

nypost.com/2019/07/03/seven-chinese-girlfriends-buy-mansion-to-retire-and-die-together/amp/

Original poster
Smooksy · 15/02/2023 19:16

@Meggymoo777 that's brilliant 👏 makes total sense. 😁

OP posts:
pointythings · 16/02/2023 11:56

A friend of mine did this after she and one of her close friends were divorced at about the same time. It made their lives so much easier, both had been SAHM and needed to start all over again with work (in my friend's case this was because of coercion from her H, she wanted to work but he wouldn't let her).

Eventually they both worked their way up towards food jobs and set up separate households, but it was the perfect thing for both of them at the time.

Original poster
Smooksy · 16/02/2023 16:09

@pointythings that's really interesting. It's great that they were able to facilitate getting back into the work place too...i think women often find themselves in that position, having "deskilled" in their professions whilst raising families. Another plus point if we could lift each other up back into the workplace! 🙌

OP posts:
Paperexcelandpens · 16/02/2023 22:33

It sounds like my worst nightmare.

SpinningFloppa · 16/02/2023 22:39

Paperexcelandpens · 16/02/2023 22:33

It sounds like my worst nightmare.

🤣 thought it was just me! The thought of having to live with other unrelated kids then people wanting to bring partners over and having no say over random men in your house and no privacy! Really can’t see it getting popular tbh!

TheYearOfSmallThings · 16/02/2023 22:42

There was a whole thread about this and lots of people thought it was a great idea.

I would hate it - I like my own space and the potential for the arrangement to turn sour seems high.

SpinningFloppa · 16/02/2023 22:46

A great idea in theory tbf reality is very different

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 16/02/2023 22:55

SpinningFloppa · 16/02/2023 22:46

A great idea in theory tbf reality is very different

Yeah, this. ^ The actual idea of it sounds like a really fun, quirky, light hearted drama that you might see on Channel 4.

In reality it would be bloody horrific to be honest with you. Living with a bunch of single mums that you barely know. Maybe between eight and eleven kids running around. Completely different parenting styles. Completely different personalities. Different incomes etc... As much as 15 people sharing 2 kitchens - or maybe just one, and just a couple of bathrooms/toilets.

Some of them would be bringing boyfriends around, some would be bringing mates around. Some would be really outgoing, some would be really shy. There's no way in a million years that this would work in probably 80 to 90% of cases.

It's very much a fantasy and a fanciful idea. Maybe you should write a six part mini series for Channel 4 @Smooksy . About four or five single moms and their twelve kids living together. In two 3-bed, council houses that have been knocked together. Could be a laugh on telly. Not in real life though.

Sounds like you may be happy in a commune OP.

SummerWinds · 16/02/2023 22:55

I can already visualise some of the threads if this were to go ahead. Most people seem to have a job tolerating their own family, never mind friends over a few days such as Xmas.
I think there's a very valid reason why this kind of set up is not too common, in theory sounds well and good, the reality would be very different.
Personally it would be my worst nightmare.

SummerWinds · 16/02/2023 22:56

And l am a lone parent but it doesn't appeal in the slightest.

threeplusmum · 16/02/2023 23:09

I can see many ways that setup could go wrong. It sounds fun but I think the opportunity for problems to arise is very likely.

SpinningFloppa · 16/02/2023 23:37

The threads would be hilarious! Even another to add to the list of what could go wrong, what if the kids don’t get on? Would make things very awkward

Original poster
Smooksy · 17/02/2023 08:37

The idea isn't to have 4 or 5 single mums with 12 kids in a shared council house...agreed that would be awful. It's more like 2 single mums with 2-3 kids in a house (with garden) as opposed to flat with no garden which is usually all that is affordable as single mum...perhaps you've missed the point there....

OP posts:
Theelephantinthecastle · 17/02/2023 08:44

Smooksy · 17/02/2023 08:37

The idea isn't to have 4 or 5 single mums with 12 kids in a shared council house...agreed that would be awful. It's more like 2 single mums with 2-3 kids in a house (with garden) as opposed to flat with no garden which is usually all that is affordable as single mum...perhaps you've missed the point there....

My friend who did it for a while, they went for a huge place which needed work doing but they got a good deal and they had enough space to have a separate kitchen each - one was more of a kitchenette but still functional.

When that didn't work out, she went next for a big house that was divided into flats so they had one flat each but they sort of opened up the space a bit so that they could easily babysit for each other & that was probably more successful as an arrangement though that also fell through eventually

Onceinamoon · 10/03/2025 21:04

Hello!

I am keen to be able to share a home and live with other single mums in the south of Spain. Are there any mums here interested? I have a house with space for 3 more mums + kids.

i have a small baby 18 months and we are going to move in the next 9-12 months.