50/50 not working

[Quizzed]

I'm coming to the end of a divorce and it's becoming apparent that 50/50 isn't working anymore. Ds is going to his dad's house and being constantly left with his nan while his dad goes out with friends the gym etc etc. Ds has told me on a couple of occasions now that he is sad and lonely because his dad isn't there and I have no idea what to do. His dad demanded 50/50 even though he was hardly around before we split up as he was always out with friends or his hobbies and this was initially working for ds but exh is reverting back to his old ways and I know he only wanted 50/50 to hurt me not because he loves his son. Exh was emotionally abusive to me through out the relationship. Anyway how do I go about getting this changed in the best interests of ds, do I need to speak to the solicitors. Any advice would be much appreciated.

How old is your son?.

He's 9

Work put a schedule you think will work for your son
discuss it with ec
you can take it to court cao but they prefer to see you’ve tried to resolve without yet, show fkexibility
can you do mediation ?

be aware that a court won’t see using childminders/ wrap around: grandparents to assist as a barrier

youll need to demonstrate why it’s not im your sons best interest and how this can be changed

Thanks for the reply. We have had mediation and we agreed 50/50 so I think I will have to take it back to mediation and suggest it's not working for ds.
Ex is leaving ds with a grandparent but its still effecting ds as he is being left with the grandparents constantly not just for wrap around care and actually isn't seeing very much of his dad.

That’s really hard. However, it sounds like he’s the type where it’s all about control and if you return to mediation or apply to court, is he likely to be triggered into full controlling mode? From what you’ve said, it sounds likely.

you might be better off letting this play out for a while. If he’s already losing interest, that’s likely to continue and the 50/50 might begin to break down. In the meantime, maybe keep a schedule of how much he is absent during contact just in case you do end up in court. As your dc gets older, their feelings will become the increasingly important factor and it sounds like your dc is already getting fed up.

Could your son talk to his grandparents? Don’t put words into his mouth but you could suggest to him that he tells them how he is feeling. I doubt they’re going to want to have him half the time if he’s unhappy about the situation.

You could say to your ex as non-confrontationally as possible that you are happy to have your son more of the time if he isn’t available.

If it’s just about child maintenance on his side could you forgo that temporarily? You shouldn’t have to but might help.

There’s obviously the option of more mediation/ court but not guaranteed that you would get the outcome you want and as pp said he might lose interest in a while anyway or in not too long your son will have much more say in where he lives.

His grandmother knows as ds told me on the phone while in front of her that he was sad as his dad wasn't there. I have had to ring her on many occasions as ds is with her and not his dad. So I'm going to have to note down all the times/days ex hasn't actually seen ds.

This is most definitely about control from the ex as most ties have been cut with me and the only thing he has to bother me with now is ds as he knows I have no family to relay on for childcare.

During meditation we worked out a 50/50 scheduled around my work hours which ex wanted and pushed for. Its lasted 4 months. I work during the days my son is with his dad and I can't get childcare for the hours I work as I work lates and I have no family here to help me so I will probably have to change my hours at work which means I will be paid less and I'll likely have to pay for childcare. I'll wait and see how it plays out with ex before I change my hours at work.