Hi,
I have posted before under a different username.
Going through a divorce which is now into its 3rd year so it’s taking a toll on my mental health and pocket!
I instigated the split after a 23 year marriage in which most of it was sexless/no affection and a big age gap (I grew out of him and had been very naive when I was younger). 2 children - one over 18 and working (although on a gap year before university).
I was always the bigger earner but worked bloody hard for it (courses and more
responsibilities etc.) whereas he stayed at the same level in his job. We had a joint account. I worked part time for 12 years which, during this time, I lost salary and pension.
He paid AVC’s into his pension throughout our marriage. He has also inherited 50% of another property. He is living in this property and has cashed in £80k of his pension (he is over 60) to have the place done up inside and the garden done. I am living in the family home (mortgage free).
He is not paying a penny on child support and is also not giving me a break with the youngest child. Eldest is over 18 and working but splits his time between the two of us.
His solicitor said the inherited property was ring-fenced even though I have spoken to another solicitor (not from the group who are representing me) who said only a judge can ring fence a property. He reckons I am being too soft.
We have sent a couple of offers: latest was 70:30 of the family home and leaving pensions (his is larger than mine) untouched. The house is worth £250k. Their offer has come back as 60:40 which would give me £145k once selling fees were taken out. This would leave him with £100k to pay his sister her half of the inherited property meaning he would be mortgage free with a nice, untouched, pension. He isn’t paying for costs for the younger child and I have her 100% of the time (she is 15 this year). Her phone is £50 a month, school lunches £70 a month, pocket money £50 a month and bus pass £100 a month. This is without food, heating, electricity costs. And, because I have her all the time, I shoulder the cost of days out (Costa trips she loves). I have also quit my career (involved out of hours working) so that I could be around for her. I’m now in an awful, stressful job which is also affecting my MH. He has continued to
work in his job and goes to work when he likes without considering childcare. I know she is almost 15 but I still don’t like
leaving her unsupervised much.
Anyway, his solicitor has said he wants to semi- retire now and can’t afford to take
on a mortgage. However, he expects me
to at my age (almost 51) and I am
worried about this as I am already shouldering the costs of one child and the second a lot too. Today, for example I have had to get 4 tyres on my car and have a new floor laid in my daughter’s room
(£700 gone just like that). If I have to get another mortgage, not only will
my disposable income be reduced to a seriously low level (which isn’t fair considering I don’t get a penny in child maintenance) but I also need to work full
time until my late 60’s in a stressful job - while he lives mortgage free and semi-retired!!!! He isn’t giving me a break from the burden of our youngest (who is hard
work she is a teen) so I am rushing around getting home from work in the evenings and don’t get a break at weekends! He hasn‘t paid any maintenance costs on the family home or bills since he left (or a loan
we had for some oak furniture) in April 2020.
They have said that I should now apply for court proceedings if I refuse this offer. My solicitor, useless as always, hasn’t said a word apart from the fact she thinks this isn’t a big enough offer for me not to need a mortgage.
What should I do? I feel
sick that I was the one who worked hard and he will be the one living mortgage free and retiring early!!!