Sale of family home before finances agreement - abusive ex

[ChangeUser2023]

Hi all,

seeking advice/experiences please.

ex h left family home in November. Ds and I are in family home. Ex h and I own property as tenants in common in specific shares (mind less than 50%). Issues of Abuse/control, I have a non-molest order in place. Ex continues to be coercive by refusing to pay his share of mortgage and generally being diffucult. He has gone back to his country of origin living with parents, has told me that he is currently on sick leave and expects to leave his (highly paid) job in next few months. He states he will no longer be able to contribute to mortgage, child maintenance childcare.

we have ageeed to sell family home as I can’t afford it single handedly and neither can he. I have also filed a form a as i havd been advised I should get at least 50% of sakle proceeds but he will never agree to this and due to the ongoing abuse? I don’t want to engage with him.

we now have a buyer without finances being sorted. I’ve been told that usually lawyers hold money on trust pending resolution of finances in such situations. form a has not been served on him yet. at whay point do i tell him that i am seekjng a greater share of thr lle equity in prooerty? it woukd be entirely in character for him to refuse to sell to spite me if he finds out too early on . I can’t afford to keep on the home and want a clean break.

he earns/earned in the £100k region and is on almost twice as my salary.

to poster who asked if I expect him to pay mortgage
yes INTERIM

you can’t ( shouldn’t) just up and leave and put your ex in this situation ! Especially when it means kids will lose out.

long term , no, but on short term basis until they’ve resolved than he 10”% should be paying his share !

That is what you think or wish but it is not the law. She could delay the sale of the house for years and he would have to continue paying her mortgage and his mortgage. He needs to pay child maintenance and they need to put the house on the market immediately.

@millymollymoomoo I get you completely. My STBXH walked, and obviously that I'd be the pushover I was in the past. He's now realised that's not the case, and as soon as i say no to him about something he retaliates using our DS or money. The money thing soon stopped as I went through CMS so he can't retaliate using that, although will try by refusing to pay it on time. DS is now being handled by solicitors and will be court ordered so he can't threaten not to return him. It's honestly exhausting.

I'm in a fortunate position (I don't mean to offend you, so please don't take it that way) where I can stay in the house and still pay mortgage etc on my income alone and be comfortable. I think this is bugging him as he keeps trying to push to sell, but I'll sit tight until financials have been dealt with. He won't liase with his solicitor, so is actually dragging it out longer than he needs to. He doesn't want to use solicitors etc but I do, and it's something she will need to adapt to

@taxpayer1 property is on market as I completely recognise that one person can’t maintain it. What I object to is him just f&&&g off and not bothering to make any interim provision. And yes he should be contributing to the mortgage pending the sale.

@KateFleming i think we are dealing euh my ex’s twin here, only CMS have no jurisdiction as ex abroad. I suspect ex was thinking that I’d refuse to sell so that had blindsighted him. Anything I want he will oppose out of spite. So I have to be very careful how I approach things with him

Please ignore taxpayer's advice.

Of course when you take out a mortgage, you are obligated to pay for it whether you live in it or not.

The best advice will come from a solicitor who knows all the facts. Generally if someone is abroad it can be veyr hard to get them to pay anything so taking solid assets in the UK such as properties and pensions ( even in big cases with lots of money applying for a freezing order for UK bank accounts) is best. If the pension is UK you can obtain a pension sharing order for example (pension are not valued on the cash value of the fund of course but kind of on the basis of what the pension might be from them - in our divorce after 20 years we decided each of our pensions were similar so just kept our own ones - we both worked full time).

I know it’s not the law
but it makes ops ex a dick!

It does.