After some infidelity on his side, ongoing emotional abuse and a lot of nastiness DH has left and we are going to be divorcing. Whilst in the big picture it’s the right thing I’d hoped to hold on until September when my DS2 would get his free hours. However it’s become untenable - yesterday he had a go at me while I cried for 2 hours and wound t stop, my DD5 even wants him to live in a different house. We’ve been together 12 years, married nearly 9.
He is a high earner (45% tax bracket plus bonuses). I work 4 days and earn 45k so have some income.
However we are quite asset poor and have a huge mortgage (£3.2k per month) as it’s a shorter term as he’s older. We also currently use a mix of nanny and nursery as he leaves before the kids get up in the morning (doesn’t need to his preference) and isn’t back until after bedtime. The mortgage and childcare far outstrip my monthly income, am freaking out as nursery places are hard to find and if he won’t help pay nanny I could end up losing my job.
Similarly, I accept we will need to sell the house etc. but can’t pay the whole mortgage on my own. I recognise that compared to many am fortunate but am terrified I’ll wreck my credit rating or lose job as I can’t cover mortgage and childcare on my own.
I don’t think he’ll want 50/50 unless it’s to spite me. He doesn’t like having to do stuff for kids or house in the week. He is great with them at weekends on his own terms so will see them I’m sure. His image is really important to him so whilst he’s horrible to me I don’t think he really wants a divorce - he wants me to pu up and shut up. But want better for my kids.
In the longer term I know it will be fine if he doesn’t screw me. I can’t afford to stay here but can probably get a 2 bed place in the town fifteen mins down the road. I’m worried about getting to that point - he’s abusive and controlling and I know I need a good lawyer - how do you identify one? What to look for etc? Any advice gratefully received.