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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Practical advice?

2 replies

Tinybutmighty · 29/01/2023 23:08

Hi all.
Sadly I've been reading threads and coming to a conclusion for about 3 years now.
After the trauma of losing one of our twins and our survivor being in Nicu for 3 months we kind of sleep walked through until December 2022 when I told him Finally I had enough. All the classics-I did all the housework and child's appointments all the cats vet appointments and so on. But I'm also the only one that an drive or use any form of tools. Recently I had to show him how to use filler. Alone these aren't issues that killed my love for him but his lack of willingness to support me where he could or to learn these skills did. Alongside 2 years of rejection sexually because he was 'too tired' or had a headache. But would then sort himself out. (I did all the laundry remember) whenever I asked about therapy before he refused until I told him I didn't love him anymore. It had to get there for me to have some kind of recognition from him.
We have been in our own rooms over a year now and have had therapy for almost a year. I know it will break DHs heart because he has been trying recently and this week painted all the new skirting in our lounge and just to add he is an incredible dad to our 4yo DS. But I don't have it. I don't love him enough to have this bland life anymore it's just too little too late.
I don't want to be his wife but I hate to think of losing him as a friend and making him an enemy.

For our DS I would love some practical advice and stories of how you managed it? I can't afford to buy him out and we both love our home so I was thinking seperation in the house or is that a no go? Advice of any kind re the home practicality would be gratefully recieved, the legal bit I know, thank you all x

OP posts:
KEG973 · 29/01/2023 23:18

On a scale of 1-10 how certain are you that leaving him is your only option for your happiness? it sounds like he’s trying recently but that(unfortunately) is at the same timing as you deciding to leave.
is there anything he could do that would make you want to stay? If not then leaving now is the kindest thing to do. If you stay it will be with a resentful heart and for all the wrong reasons. My husband and I went through an extremely rough patch when our second was born and I really though I would never love him again but when I spoke up he was receptive and acted on everything I was struggling with and vice Versa but it sounds like things with your husband have been going badly for a very long time and it seems from what you said that you have been trying really hard to help get it on track and he wasn’t overly receptive,

you will get through this. Just want you to know it will take some time and a lot of healing but divorces don’t have to be bitter and fuelled by anger, they can be amicable and people can remain great friends and fantastic co-parents.

Pleasecreateausername13 · 30/01/2023 14:44

I just want to pip up and echo PP that you can find love again. But only if you are both willing to work on things.
I get you think it might be too little too late but always remember the grass isn’t greener.
I hope it all works out OP.

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