Separation whilst living together

[PixiePal]

Any other Mums going through divorce/separation and still living under same roof? Be good to chat.

No, but did this for around 6 months and it was grim 😞. Totally feel for you. You may get more response to the thread of it was posted under ‘relationships’.
Wishing you strength x

Me.

He is leaving latest end of Feb.

It is challenging. I am counting down the days.

I did it - I said my ex could stay until he got his rental which was about a month. It’s not easy at all but you have light at the end of the tunnnel.

Thanks for replies. Curious to know if kids were involved? Do you think it helps them to adjust in any way, as in, to what's coming?

My biggest priority is keeping things as smooth as possible for our child. Not easy when you want to scream at someone who's ruined things, after repeated chances!!

Hello. Yes, same here. We have 2 primary school aged children trying to keep things as settled for them as we can. We've not told them the situation yet, but they're pretty smart, our eldest knows something is going on. I'm finding it hard. He wants us to stay living in the family home together as long as possible. I'm struggling with it, its emotionally exhausting and I'm not sure it is even what is best for the kids. I really don't think its sustainable for as long as he wants it to be. Hope you're doing OK x

Currently In this situation as it isn't ideal for him to leave yet as he would need to A) find a flat and B) deposit/ furniture etc so still staying here until that's sorted. But it's very confusing some days it's like nothing has happened and my daughter is getting used to it again. We get on so much better tbh. But he's only being nice because he f*d up again and they always are for few weeks it doesn't last long. It's horrible because I know he won't change but it feels lovely at the minute if that makes sense. I just got to remember what he's been like and not get fogged by how perfect he is being at the moment.

I did this back in 2018. Was horrendous :(

My (newly) ex wanted this. I knew it would’ve been a mixture of brilliant and appalling depending on his mood.

I booted him to the Travelodge while he found a rental. Told him if he didn’t go I would go myself and take the toddler. Very luckily he knew by this point I was deadly serious and he did the right thing.

I am doing this now (8 weeks and counting)

It has been hard. So hard. The hardest thing I’ve ever done.

Unfortunately we can’t find a suitable rental for either of us. So we will be stuck living together for financial reasons for the foreseeable.

I have to say though, it is affecting my mental health and I’m not sure how much longer I can continue.

what is your situation OP?

I am also currently in this situation with little chance of it changing anytime soon. Ex is unemployed and has a drink problem. We are selling the house but he has nowhere to go and apparently I can't force him out. Its appalling. I find it helpful to write little tasks to do and aim for to help move forward towards getting away from him. So far I have leased a new car, have started painting house and am planning on filing for divorce as soon as I find my marriage certificate. Strongly suspect ex has hidden it in an attempt to hold things up.

like everyone on here, its hard. Some days I wonder if I made the right decision asking him to leave, but that doesn’t last long.

We also have to kids - primary and nursery aged. Neither know. There is no way I would want them aware this early as he doesn’t go until 28th (27 days!). It has been hard for me with him being here - he hasn’t worked since last summer and is always here. He doesn’t see friends, or speak with them. I am concerned that he won’t be able to secure a rental, but he has known where we stand since September/October, so it isn’t my problem, as harsh as that reads.

I know March will be a mixed emotional bag. The relief, weight lifted, but then managing the kids and how they’re feeling. I am not looking forward to that bit.

@SaltyStock have you considered ordering a certified copy?

Two*

I get what @Mumfirst2 means, about it being confusing and like nothing has happened some days. Especially when you're trying to act like everything is good for the kids. I wonder if he thinks we're all good or maybe this will pass, and if I should be more hostile to remind him what's happening? Although, I've made a promise to myself not to be that way as ultimately I'll only suffer too if the home becomes a shitty environment.
What a weird situation be in!

Yes, doing it currently. Kids don’t know as we are very amicable. Both stuck because of finances, no way to sell and downsize, renting is a lot more than current mortgage etc. Also kids have some issues which make it hard to see how to proceed.

Also agree with @Mumfirst2 . On the upside, by the time we tell the children i probably won’t be crying about it all the time. It’s mutual but just really sad.

@PixiePal @limerentidiot it's really hard because apart from his faults we get on really well he's naturally very loving kind etc good with our kids that side has never been an issue. But its the unacceptable behaviour and laziness and what happens when he has alcohol that continues to happen that I've put up with for a long time. And at the moment we're being "normal" because what's the point in being bitter it just makes it worse for everyone I don't want to walk on egg shells in my own home

@SaltyStock
Definitely just order a copy of your marriage certificate - you’ll likely want one each to deal with all the legal stuff for the divorce anyway.

Thanks yes its on order.

Yes. Been living like this for over a year. Really struggling with it. He completely ignores me, won’t speak to me or look at me even in front of the DC (primary age).

Yes it’s been nearly a month now. We are not speaking to each other at all and only communicate via texts, even when we are both in the house! It’s pathetic. But it doesn’t bother me as much as I thought it would now. Im past that crying stage. It helps that he is hardly home. Like going out til 2/3am in the morning and also out all day at weekends! I get upset that he doesn’t spend time with our 2 kids (one is 4, the other is 6 months) but then that’s one of the reasons why we are separating anyway in the first place so no surprise there…!
we mentioned divorce but I’m holding back as I’m really reluctant for my kids to go through what I had been through when I was little. My parents divorced when I was really young and I do feel the impact it had on me.
he is never there for the kids but I kind of still want them to have a dad at least on paper…!