The financial struggle from separation to divorce…

[WhatsTheStoryThisTime]

Just wanting a bit of a hand-hold/ stories of survival I guess.

Separated for over a year and filed for divorce last September (which he is dragging out!) I earn £34k, STBXH earns £100k + through his limited company. He’s moved into our rental property and left me and 2DC in the family home, so we have a mortgage each. Took the car so I pay monthly for one now and he’s paying less than 50% of what the CMS calculator recommends…..
How do people cope? No wonder women stay in unhappy marriages. I’m lending money from my Mum to pay some divorce costs in the hope I can pay her back once a financial order is agreed.
So sad and skint! Feel for women in worse positions than even I am in….

It is really grim. The year when finances were sorted out was awful. As someone who is now four years out it is survivable. Get the best solicitor you can afford and ask for your costs to be paid. Have you done form E yet?

@mostlydrinkstea thank you for your response.
Still awaiting date of first hearing (courts are taking forever - I filed the court order early Dec) and then will sort form E and financial disclosure.
Im free, happier and less controlled (which money can’t buy) but the DC and I certainly don’t have the same lifestyle. I have 100% of the responsibility, struggling financially whilst he swans off into the sunset.

The swanning off onto the sunset hurts. I was a keyworker during covid and in the middle of that I got queries on formE about how much I was spending on medication- £5 a month to cover painkillers for my back and extra vitamins when he earns four times my salary. You couldn't make it up. The courts are looking for a fair settlement and won't judge his morality which sucks but it is what it is. I felt a bit like Pollyanna but noticing where life was better without him really did help. I hope you get some clarity soon.

@mostlydrinkstea I was hoping for some ‘holding him to account’ during financial disclosure. I take it that’s not going to happen?

Re holding to account and financial disclosure / fair division of assets

To know what a fair split of assets is and to reach a financial settlement divorcing parties need to know what the assets of the marriage are, and what each asset is worth.

Look at a Form E. A long document in which each party sets out their assets, income, and financial needs. You can see in it the assets that are taken into consideration upon divorce and financial settlement, for example property (the former marital home), pensions, stocks and shares etc. It also lists the documents needed that show the value of assets for example CETVs (cash equivalent transfer values of pensions - which can be requested from pension providers).

To find out what some assets are worth an independent expert can be used. Property can be valued by an expert - estate agents, pensions by CETV and / or a pension on divorce expert (PODE) report and so on. It is important to decide what needs a valuation by an independent expert and factor in the costs of these. Pensions can be very valuable – equivalent or more than the value of the former martial home in some cases. Divorcing parties might hold different types of pensions (not like-for-like, so difficult to compare without an expert). Circumstances might be complex for example an age difference or pensions in payment. One party may have stayed at home to look after children.

@AnnaMagnani and @silentpool made some useful comment on this in this thread

www.mumsnet.com/talk/divorce_separation/4664756-what-do-i-need-to-do-about-our-pensions?reply=121093079
When splitting the assets of a marriage…
www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1973/18/section/25 applies
images.ctfassets.net/o8luwa28k6k2/2cpp2mEMwBJWJLuzTiTruB/b5397e7459154fad8927826a2c99acdd/section-25-expert-guide.pdf

The income, earning capacity, property, and other financial resource which each of the parties to the marriage has or is likely to have in the foreseeable future is taken into account. As I understand it, first consideration is given to the welfare (while a minor) of any child of the family who has not yet attained the age of eighteen.

The needs of each divorcing party are taken into account and as I understand it 50 / 50 is the starting point – so unequal shares based on circumstances and needs is possible, for example 60 / 40.

Full and frank financial disclosure is required and usually provided when Form E is exchanged. If after Form E there is missing information / evidence Questionnaires may be exchanged to retrieve it and if still missing after that Deficiencies are exchanged. A solicitor’s letter can be sent to retrieve financial information evidence. A Court Order can also be applied for to gain financial information / evidence / valuations that is missing / essential.

These offer a free advice session about pensions on divorce and separation www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/family-and-care/divorce-and-separation/divorce-or-dissolution-how-we-can-help-with-your-pension
Free advice line (busy so keep trying) rightsofwomen.org.uk

Guides on divorce and financial settlement
www.advicenow.org.uk/guides/how-apply-financial-order-without-help-lawyer

Pensions on divorce
www.sharingpensions.co.uk/penaudit3.htm
www.mediateuk.co.uk/the-ultimate-guide-to-pensions-on-divorce/
www.nuffieldfoundation.org/news/new-good-practice-guide-addresses-shortfall-in-understanding-of-how-to-treat-pensions-on-divorce
Valuation of pensions – pensions on divorce expert report
www.collinspensionactuaries.co.uk no relation – useful website
www.collinspensionactuaries.co.uk/pension-data-collection/ templates for information required

Legal advice should be sought.
This link gives you an indication of hourly rate for solicitors
www.gov.uk/guidance/solicitors-guideline-hourly-rates
Some organisations offer free advice from solicitors and barristers rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/ On their FAQs page…”Our Legal Officers and Volunteer legal advisors are all solicitors and barristers”.
Some family solicitors offer an in initial free consultation and some a fixed fee rather than hourly.
Some barristers can be directly instructed e.g., via Clerksroom Direct
Mumsnet suggest www.advicenow.org.uk/tags/separation-divorce-and-dissolution-civil-partnerships

Refer your maintenance claim to the CMS if he is paying 50% less.

@divorcefinancial thanks for the info, lots of useful stuff there.

@PizzaPastaWine he pays himself minimum wage via his limited company so I’d get even less through CMS (it’s a bloody joke!) holding out for full financial disclosure in the hope of a maintenance order.

Even if you get child maintenance in the order he can go to cms after 12 months and they have jurisdiction

@millymollymoomoo the whole system is ridiculous. Set up for wealthy men to rob their kids. I’m really struggling.

You would be better to push for much higher % of capital assets rather than maintenance which he will mess around with and use to control you

@millymollymoomoo thank you. I am just at the beginning of financial stuff with divorce. You are right. Control has been a big issue throughout our relationship and split - I need to take some control back on know that the DC and I will be ok financially.

You can apply to the court for interim financial order/ spousal maintenance which outlines what he should be contributing if he’s leaving you with debts you are not able to pay while going through the divorce and financial separation. This would cease once final order made

look into that with your solicitor too

Surely you can just gey a copy of his accounts? He has a limited company so you should be able to get these and if he's the director, essentially all the balance sheet is essentially his stored cash?