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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Ex who works away??

26 replies

MrsDancer · 25/01/2023 18:45

Anyone else have an ex who works away. Mine does 5 weeks on and 5 weeks off. How do you share chikd arrangements? Mine exH wants the children the whole time he is hone from work. Would the judge rule this in his favour?
Advice needed as very worried x

OP posts:
WhatsTheStoryThisTime · 25/01/2023 19:22

Mine does 2 weeks away and 2 at home. He has said his work ‘doesn’t allow him to have a normal life’ so rocks up when he pleases to have the kids (unless he decides to have a week in Spain on his week off 🙄)

I don’t think there’s a court in the land who would agree 5 weeks at a time. Is this maybe just a threat to have the kids 50/50 so he doesn’t have to pay maintenance?

Original poster
MrsDancer · 25/01/2023 19:39

Yes you are exactly right, it is exactly that x

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsDancer · 25/01/2023 19:40

I'm still worried it would happen though as he is very manipulative. X

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Pardon44 · 25/01/2023 19:41

He has Bob hope of 5 weeks on and 5 weeks off. Instead of worrying about worming his way out of supporting the children he needs to consider what is in their best interests.

Original poster
MrsDancer · 25/01/2023 20:03

I totally agree. I hope a judge can see that too. He is very selfish. I couldn't believe it when he actually proposed that in court at the first hearing. I just wake up in the night panicking that it could actually happen because it is what he is going for. Seems ridiculous to me but he really believes that is fair and he says I'm taking the children away from him when he is away working so he can take them when home. At the moment we share them 50/50 when he is home but I'd prefer him to have them less because of his emotional abusive behaviour and not putting the children first but I know a court will likely rule 50/50 or maybe more to him if they feel sorry for the fact the childrenare losing time with their dad due to his work. But he has always lost that time regardless of us being together or separated but he doesn't see it like that. I'd rather they stay in my home and have regular contact with their dad x

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WhatsTheStoryThisTime · 25/01/2023 20:32

“Seems ridiculous to me but he really believes that is fair and he says I'm taking the children away from him when he is away working so he can take them when home.”

Let him tell a judge that. They would laugh him out of court. It’s difficult when you’re dealing with someone manipulative and they think what they say is gospel but courts will see this time and time again and they look at the best interests of the children, not the controlling man child who is used to getting him own way x

Original poster
MrsDancer · 31/01/2023 10:47

I'm in court tomorrow to sort out the children arrangements. I'm so scared of what the outcome will be x

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LyingDogsLie1 · 31/01/2023 10:49

That would be so unsettling for the children. Could you aim for 50:50 when he’s home?

Workawayxx · 31/01/2023 10:51

Good luck @MrsDancer, I hope things go in your favour. How old are DC? I can't imagine with primary aged children (or even older) that it would be considered in any way acceptable for them not to see their primary carer for 5 weeks. If they're older than 10 they should get a say in their arrangements.

pristinesurfacesGBTD · 31/01/2023 10:52

Perhaps a couple of stints having them full-time, full on, no respite, on his own for 5 weeks will change his mind. I wonder if he's thought it through 😁

Original poster
MrsDancer · 31/01/2023 10:54

We do 50/50 when he is home now and that is the most that I am willing to agree to. But I obviously don't know how the judge will see it and i am worrying so much. I'm trying to see it from everyone's point of view and not just mine. I feel I am putting my children's interests first and just hope the judge agrees with that too x

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Original poster
MrsDancer · 31/01/2023 10:58

Thank you for the replies.

They are only aged 6 and 8. Their dad said they are at an age now where they no longer need a mother and that was when they were 5 and 7 x

One thing he has an upper hand on is that he has remained in the large family home which is close to school and the children and I moved to our second property which is 25 mins from school. He has this in his favour but I hope it shows how selfish he because really he should of moved to that property and I hope it shows that I am willing to do anything for my children as I travel them to school so this stayed consistent for them x

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quietnightmare · 31/01/2023 10:59

I doubt they would agree to it but remember he is their father too and has equal rights.

Be calm and go into court tomorrow with a structured plan that allows him decent time with his child/children

For example

On his 5 weeks off options could be

One week with him one week with you etc so he has 3 weeks out of 5

Or

Mon-Thursday each week
Or
Thursday - Monday morning drop off
Or
Every weekend but that leaves you with none
Or
Or two nights with him then a Week with him, then two nights the following week like a wed and Thursday, then a week with him, then two nights
Or
Every Saturday and every Wednesday

Would any of these be something you would consider?

Original poster
MrsDancer · 31/01/2023 11:11

Yes these are all options I would consider. I want what is best for the children and I know they want to see both of us.
I just can't have him getting the children more than 50% when he is home because his work can change and once he was off for 6 months and then in that circumstance he would have them more than me when I have always done everything for them.

There is alot of issues here like he won't let me have their passports. He has kept all of our things in the family home and wouldn't allow us to take anything so I had to buy everything again. He won't pay CM. He is very aggressive towards me because he didn't want us to split up. I left because he was abusive.
His work schedule is roughly 5 week on/5 week off but it can change and he doesn't tell me. He rang the children on a morning before school and told them I am home now and I will pick you up from school today, without any communication to me. He has no respect for me and is very controlling x

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quietnightmare · 31/01/2023 11:20

Very difficult situation for you
Have a think what you believe is the best option and present it calmly tomorrow

Mention in court tomorrow
That as the primary care giver your require their passports especially as he is away for 5 weeks incase they are needed and can this be written into the court order

Also state you would like to get a plan in place to you can sort out CMS and will be going via direct pay if he does not( this isn't a court issue and they will say this is a CMS issue but no harm in mentioning it) - this won't be able to be in the court order

As he is aggressive suggest all communication between the two of you is to be done via email and he can contact the children himself whenever but he is not to discuss contact with them or just tell them he is coming to get them and this is to be written into the court order

Also make it clear tomorrow that you wish the court to add to the order
That any changes of his working situation that will effect contact with the children need to be told to you within a reasonable time I.e with 3 days of him knowing

quietnightmare · 31/01/2023 11:22

I would also put in there regarding the passports that you will give him the passports if he wishes to take the children away and that both of you need to give atleast two weeks notice of any holidays from both you unlesss. In extreme circumstances such as a family member has passed and they live abroad and you or him will be taking the children to the funeral in a few days

TheSandgroper · 31/01/2023 11:26

Some Australian FlyIn-FlyOut websites (FIFO), chats or fb pages can probably help you. Plenty of women on there who will have done it themselves.

Original poster
MrsDancer · 31/01/2023 13:34

Thank you for all the advice

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quietnightmare · 01/02/2023 16:48

How did today go?

Original poster
MrsDancer · 01/02/2023 20:10

Thanks so much for asking....

It felt like it wasnt going well and my solicitor was pretty poor but the outcome was good!!

The judge kept 50/50 while Ex is home, so that u have them 75% overall

The arrangement is Parent A has them for a week Friday- Friday and during that week Parent B has them for tea on the Wednesday from school til 7pm. And then it swaps.
So we do that for 4 weeks and in the final 5th week Ex has to leave for work half way through his week so they come back to me for the remainder and 5 weeks

I got residency and their passports
so pleased
X

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WhatsTheStoryThisTime · 01/02/2023 20:18

Excellent news @MrsDancer really pleased for you!

quietnightmare · 01/02/2023 21:08

That is brilliant you could not of asked for a better outcome really. Once the routine starts your co parenting relationship might improve

StillWantingADog · 01/02/2023 21:13

Great outcome.
is he going to pay cm?

Original poster
MrsDancer · 02/02/2023 15:05

Nothing was mentioned about CM. I need to fight that in the financial court hearings I think. I'm looking for a new solicitor now as mine was poor and I need a fighter x

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Circe7 · 03/02/2023 11:08

This sounds like a sensible outcome and it may help with situations like your ex picking up the children with no notice to you as contact should now follow the court order.