Mediation - is it worth it?

[Pheonix11]

Currently going through a divorce and have had 5 mediation meetings to try and resolve financial settlement. To be honest, we don’t seem to be moving any further forward. Is it just us or have others experienced the same?

I feel sure I've heard that if you get to end of 3 sessions without progress then you can presume it won't work.

You probably need to accept it’s not worth it
however, it most likely is because neither of you are prepared to compromise and it will only progress if you both see that. If neither will budge at all then it’s pointless and also likely to be expensive to battle out legally

What are the things you are unwilling to compromise on? What do your respective solicitors say?

Mediation only needs one party to be fundamentally unwilling to compromise for it to fail.

Well
theres’s no quick answer to that question! 😂

I’ll try and be brief: Husband and alcoholic, but high earner. Earns over 120k. I earn 28k.

DC are 18 and 17 but in full time education.

DH has always been bad with money and spent most of our married life in debt - hence we still have a huge mortgage. About equal equity/ pension difference (his being larger). To house myself and the DC, I would need most, if not all the equity (depending on how much we are able to sell our house for) and would be prepared d to offset against mortgage. He wants a cash sum from equity and to keep his pension. I will be main carer for DC. He’s very competitive and likes to win!

Since your kids are almost 18, realistic imo is 50 % total pot. So it's a case of totting up equity in house and total pensions and any other assets and looking at what 50% is. Not sure him being an alcoholic will make any difference imo as it's a disease. Usually the wife getting more is when kids are young.

Have you done that? What does that give you both?

Not sure if with ex earning 120k you may be entitled to spousal maintenance, rare now i think but someone else may know more, that could mean more for you potentially, but may be doubtful with kids so close to 18.

Mediation taking so long to me suggests one or both of you are being unrealistic or unreasonable.

Your kids are old enough where they won’t be counted as needing housing ( rightly or wrongly)
it’s probably unrealistic for you to expect all the equity and need to work out a plan that he can take some for a deposit

this isn’t about winning or losing - it’s about compromise and negotiation

if it goes to court and your youngest is 18 by then they won’t be factored into your needs

As others have said, by the time it goes to court you won't have any dependant children so liklihood is 50/50.

This is probably why he turned down your offer of you taking most of the equity in the house.

I would try one more mediation offering him 50/50 and if that doesn't work just go to court.