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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Sex before breakup

18 replies

Littlelostsheep · 18/01/2023 12:13

So my partner broke up with me 12 hours after he initiated sex.
I am really struggling with this and feel like he has been using me for sex for the last 3 weeks as things haven't been perfect but we were apparently "working on it".
I feel absolutely disgusting, how do I get out of this headspace?

OP posts:

Pleasecreateausername13 · 18/01/2023 20:21

Hour by hour, one foot in front of the other.

It will feel horrible for now, but it will slowly fade away. Try to do things that will distract you and know that it isn’t you, it’s them. You sought sex from a place of love, your ex however…who knows, maybe they weren’t using you, could have been a place of familiarity, a last chance to be close to you.

Be kind to yourself.

limoncelloo · 18/01/2023 20:27

One of my exes broke up with me 4 hours after initiating sex with me. It felt horrific.

I feel your pain.

As PP said, one day at a time. It will take a good while for you to feel better, but it will happen.

I wish we had the answers as to why men behave this way. If I was feeling "not right" about a relationship the last thing on my mind would be sex. It's a reflection of them and not you, please know that.

Original poster

Littlelostsheep · 18/01/2023 21:32

Thank you both.

I just feel so grim about it, violated almost. Added to the confusion of why he ended it, despite telling me 36 hours prior that we weren't breaking up.
Not a typical "player" my family and friends all think the world of him and they are as confused as me with the whole thing and are worrying that he is going through something with his mental health.

OP posts:

Whataretheodds · 18/01/2023 21:33

Channel the anger into pure practicality

KangarooKenny · 18/01/2023 21:37

I worked with a woman who had sex with her husband in the morning, when he’d finished and was sat on the side of the bed, he told her he was leaving. He got up and left ! What a bastard.

Bouledeneige · 18/01/2023 21:40

Yes channel the anger and let it power your path away from him. In time stand back and look at what happened, how he behaved and what you want to avoid in future. But for mine keep moving ahead and put lots of distance between yourself and him. And be relieved it didn't go on a minute longer than it did. Think if the opportunities you have now to do things that you want to do and that give you pleasure. See friends, go to the movies, for a swim.., whatever. And enjoy it because you're doing it just for you.

Original poster

Littlelostsheep · 18/01/2023 21:43

Absolutely, I just want him to come and collect his belongings now and we can swap back our keys to each others houses.
I'm so up and down between that and wanting to sit down and sort it out, but I do know deep down that I will never trust him properly again and would be worried about the same scenario playing out years down the line.

OP posts:

WGACA · 18/01/2023 21:48

KangarooKenny · 18/01/2023 21:37

I worked with a woman who had sex with her husband in the morning, when he’d finished and was sat on the side of the bed, he told her he was leaving. He got up and left ! What a bastard.

So do I and they had a small baby!

Nowthatlovehasperished · 18/01/2023 21:52

Men are dogs.

I suspect that only 7% of them have human emotions.

Toiletfriend · 19/01/2023 22:23

Sex is meaningless. You're just a vessel.

Original poster

Littlelostsheep · 20/01/2023 07:26

@toiletfriend wow you're lovely aren't you.

OP posts:

Pleasecreateausername13 · 20/01/2023 10:41

Ignore them OP.

You didn’t do anything wrong, just keep telling yourself that. As I said before, one foot in front of the other. Get by and hour at a time, and think to yourself that’s another hour gone.

Hope you are doing okay.

Original poster

Littlelostsheep · 20/01/2023 20:50

Pleasecreateausername13 · 20/01/2023 10:41

Ignore them OP.

You didn’t do anything wrong, just keep telling yourself that. As I said before, one foot in front of the other. Get by and hour at a time, and think to yourself that’s another hour gone.

Hope you are doing okay.

Thank you, I am getting there. I have gone through the angry stage and now just want him to collect belongings and swap keys.

Family and friends are all convinced it isn't over and he will come back, but how do you trust someone who totally blindsided you like that.

OP posts:

limoncelloo · 20/01/2023 21:11

Don't take him back OP, please.

People that blindside you like this will do it more than once, and I'm talking from experience.

Be sad, get angry, let yourself have all those emotions. But please, please don't put yourself in the position for this to happen again. Someone that treats you like that isn't worth it.

Original poster

Littlelostsheep · 20/01/2023 21:31

limoncelloo · 20/01/2023 21:11

Don't take him back OP, please.

People that blindside you like this will do it more than once, and I'm talking from experience.

Be sad, get angry, let yourself have all those emotions. But please, please don't put yourself in the position for this to happen again. Someone that treats you like that isn't worth it.

Absolutely agree and there are no plans to do that. I've collected his belongings, put them in a bag and have taken his keys off so have mentally started the process. I just want it all out of my house so that I can really get on with starting afresh.

I messaged to let him know that he can collect but he hasn't done so yet. I can almost guarantee that he will have been within 2 miles of my property this week for work purposes so have no idea why he hasn't just messaged and asked if it's a suitable time to pick up. If the shoe was on the other foot I would have been to get my things instead of dragging it out.

OP posts:

Original poster

Littlelostsheep · 30/01/2023 15:57

He's finally been to collect belongings but hasn't brought all of mine back. Wish he did it two fucking weeks ago as it's painful to see him.

He seems uncertain if he actually wants to end this and my family think he is leaving the door open to me.

I asked him to return a ticket to an event we were supposed to be going to together but that hasn't appeared back, which is unfortunate as I don't really want to go on my own and would like to offer to a friend.

Ugh, men.

OP posts:

ReamsOfCheese · 30/01/2023 16:01

Stand your ground OP. No one who used you like that deserves to be in your life and he doesn't get to pick you up and put you down when he feels like it. I bet your family would be singing a different tune if they knew what he'd done.

tothelefttotheleft · 30/01/2023 16:21

Send him a message detailing clearly the stuff you want returned and give him a time frame to do so.

Don't let him continue to muck you around.

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