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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Divorcing and living together

6 replies

Confusedwife85 · 17/01/2023 14:27

I finally took the plunge and ended a 16 year relationship/marriage. So many things wrong with it, his affairs being the biggest. I always forgave and tried again. Last straw was him having people back to our family home whilst I was away with the kids.

Divorce is ongoing, due to be completed soon.

My issue is nether of us can afford to live independently at the moment, we rent now. I’m trying to get a new job with more hours which along with a UC top up would put me in a position to rent.

He works away all week, only here at weekends, has anyone been in this position and found a way to make it work. I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. He does his own washing and shopping, but will eat with us at a weekend if he’s here.

I just need to figure out a way of doing this in the short term, without losing my mind even more. The breakup is harder on me than him, he’s out most weekends, and he’s trying to form a relationship with a friend.

For all our sakes, living apart will be the best thing, but I need to find a way of dealing with this until we can.

OP posts:
MarmaladeCrumpets · 17/01/2023 14:30

Do you know how you'd split custody? If so maybe you mimic that at home and stay out of his way on the weekends that he has the kids.

BungleandGeorge · 17/01/2023 14:33

Not sure whether that could be quite confusing for the kids?
custody arrangements are going to effect your finances eg whether you’ll get UC, child benefit and maintenance for the children? If he works away are you presuming that you’ll have them all week?

Confusedwife85 · 17/01/2023 14:36

It needs to be fairly flexible but I suspect he’d only want every other weekend. Maybe a flying visit on the weekends he’s not having them.

Yes they’d be with me all week like they are now. He’s worked away for the past 7 years so only sees them on the weekend.

OP posts:
BungleandGeorge · 17/01/2023 14:42

You probably need to discuss and make it formal before planning finances. Sometimes people want to change things around and do 50:50. If he’s struggling paying rent atm he’s going to struggle as a single person with maintenance to pay

MyNameisMathilda · 18/01/2023 09:10

You would get more traffic on this in the Relationships board.

peanutbutterkid · 18/01/2023 20:42

how soon would you hope to get a job with more hours? When will you be ready to not live under same roof?

I've just initiated div proceedings. I don't know when I'll move out, likely in summer 23. We seem to be amicable so far. Have already agreed that after I move out, I will come back weekends/odd days when stbxH wants to go away doing his things (sports & caring for his ILs). I will mind kids & pets & housesit & I can stay here occasionally to simply visit our teen DC. At least until we can sell this building (summer 2024, realistically). After that I could get my own large-enough place to have DC visit me.

i think how you do it is you just do it.

it anchors me that stability for DC is my number one priority & us under same roof for now is creating that stability for them.

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