I left my husband about 4 years ago, and I am still trying to come to terms with things I know there is no answers and I accept that, but still things go around in my head.
He was strange and I was wondering if anyone else has experience of living with someone strange.
Here is the thing, I absolutely loved him, I thought the world of him, but at the same time he was doing strange things.
I could not come to terms with the strange things he was doing, so it was
like I hid it away and could no longer remember the events.
In what he did, he did not flicker, there was no remorse or sadness.
He was cruel.
When I left him, I had some counselling and they would ask me – did he do x and I would say no.
The reason I said no, was because I could not remember. Then one day, I just started to remember.
After I left I found a lot of things unravelled. Things that I had taken he said as truth where not – they where lies, the nice word for it is stories, but some of these stories (untruths) had gone on for years.
I no longer know where the truth starts and the lies ended, in the relationship
I know that this is his way, he will still be doing cruel things and telling his lies
You talk about red flags, but I am in my fifties and I was not educated that way and did not know and could not of known.
He did not hit me, but he did things behind peoples backs to hurt them and their pets. This was directed at both the neighbours and myself. He would pretend he knew nothing about it, but eventually the neighbours became suspicious and I would come home to him doing or preparing to do some of the strange things to these people.
I loved him so much, but what took me out the door was fear, I left one night when he was working night shift, I took my clothes, bank card and passport and after that I have never been in a room alone with him again.
When I am in his presence (ie he takes me to court, turns up at places I go to) all I feel is fear. It is like fear is such a bigger emotion then love.
Writing this now and talking about the fear makes me shake.
I know people cannot understand why I do not want to be near him, they think it is just a bad divorce.
I am not as frightened as I was when I first left him.
When I left him, I felt if I associated with other people (not necessarily men, just anyone) then I would be putting them in danger.
When you first meet him, he is talkative, charismatic, it takes a long time to understand that things are not right with him.
Some of the minor things he did to me, when I divorced him, he told the courts that is what I was doing to him.
He is taking me to court again, only family court (he makes up stories and takes me to court). Maybe this time I speak the truth about what has happened, maybe he needs to realize that I will start to speak about these things in his presence and this might give him a reason to leave me alone.
Maybe the hiding of things is just power and control, but there could also be shame – maybe.
I know there is no remorse or sadness from him about the things.
He was not doing things in the heat of a moment, it was planned and calculated.
It was important to him that he did not get found out, but he started to drop his guard around me, because I would come home from work and walk in on him preparing things.
He did so much the neighbours became suspicious.
The easiest way to explain it, is bad things happen to people that are in the presence or in close proximity of my ex- husband.
At one time he was in Australia on the opposite side of the world, there was a power pack on the living room window I thought it might be a camera, but I was to scared to touch it.
Maybe this explains how F*** up this life was.
He was on the other side of the world and I could not touch things in my own home. It was all messed up.
I learnt not to challenge him.
I learnt how to keep things sweet.
If I talk about what he actually did I feel as if I am betraying him
- this is really strange- betrayal !!!!
I do not know how much writing puts some of this stuff to bed. Let see.
Maybe I write more another time.
Maybe