He's moved out

[Mammyloveswine]

So my husband and I haven't been getting on a while but we have young kids and both work full time.

Anyway my mam died recently very suddenly. We haven't planned her funeral yet and now my dad is really poorly in hospital too. I'm just in total shock and so stressed and we had a massive argument on Saturday night about how unsupported I feel and he's left and gone to his parents in a different part of the country.

I spoke to him today, begging him to come back and support me at least until after the funeral then we can make decisions.

Except he won't. He's talking about looking for jobs down where his parents live.

What the fuck am I going to do?!

Move forward as a single parent.
How is he going to have contact with the kids if he’s so far away ?
Is he paying you for the kids ?

Jesus, you poor thing. I’m so sorry you’ve lost your mum 💐

For now, take some time off work if you haven’t already, compassionate or sick leave. Just do the basics you have to to get through the days. Lean on any friends or family for help with the kids.

Thank you both. I'm just in complete shock!

I’m sorry about your mum

i would try not to worry - which I realise is practically impossible
no decisions about anything need to happen right now

is it likeky that he just wants some cooling off/ reflection from the recent stress and argument ? Maybe he needs some space to process events? Sounds like you were having problems already

what has he said about the children? Is he just planning on upping any leaving them?? Is he planning to come see them soon?

take each moment as it comes, just focus on the here and now and things can be discussed at a later date - make sure he realises it’s not an open ended scenario though !

I don't know but the fact is he's gone when I need him the most and I am so heartbroken!

I'm sorry if this sounds cold but id be suspicious of the time he left in relation to your mothers death and seek legal advice about any potential inheritance you may be shortly coming into and whether it would be considered as part of any financial settlement if there was a divorce.

If he can leave you when you most meed him to support you, then you’ve got your answer
get rid. Let him stay there !

it will be hard because your in shock! Once you come down from it you will become stronger
for it. Let No man bring you down , lift your head and show him you can do it

So sorry for your loss op.

Selfish, nasty wankers often show themselves as exactly what they are at times of great stress, illness or grief for us. Because during those times, they cannot be the centre of attention. And they hate that.

He will try to come back. Do not let him.

You say you want him to come back to support you but also that prior to leaving he wasnt supporting you - if he comes back you wont be any better off by the sounds of it.
Im so sorry to hear you are going through this terrible time but let that idiot go. If he can treat you like this now then he is definitely not worth fighting for.

My dads still alive so there's nothing like that! He's just been a heartless sod...

I feel so so alone and heartbroken..

You will, but honestly the shock will start to fade probably after a few weeks and you’ll start to see things clearer.

Don’t look into the future or even look at tomorrow, just get through each hour, and think to yourself, I just made it through another hour and I’m still going.

Wishing you well.

So sorry for your lost, loosing your Mum is very hard, take time to grieve at your own pace. I’m sorry your DH has left, that’s a really awful time to leave you when you are also struggling with your DF being ill. Do you have any other family or friends to give you support. I don’t know if I would want DH back if he did this to me, yes maybe leave for a day, but to not want to help you when you most need him is really selfish. I wonder what his parents think him leaving like that.