No money for solicitor

[Purpleparsley]

My STBX earns almost double what I earn. We don't have a shared account so I don't have access to his/our funds.
He also just inherited a lot of money.
We have two young children.
We will need to sell our house as I won't be able to buy him out.
We have agree on the childcare split. He will have them every other weekend and every Tuesday.
We are mainly amicable but he doesn't see things from my point of view in terms of him not valuing that I will be the main carer therefore my earning potential will always be less.

So if he decides to get a solicitor to sort out how we split the finances and I can't afford one what happens?
If we are not going to court does he even need a solicitor?

Thanks

You need a solicitor or you will get taken to the cleaners as the fact you have no money now screams abuse. I was in this situation about 10 years ago when I divorced. I found a family lawyer and they took a charge on the house. So the fees were paid when the house sold. Mine were 25k and exes where 40k and then we split the rest as court mandated.

Why will your earning potential always be less just because you’re main carer?
many women, are often main carer and can out earn exes.
I myself increased salary substantially while also being carer to young children

that said, if you can agree split then you can keep solicitor fees down. Most if it can be done yourselves but at the very least get a solicitor to draw up the consent border so it’s water tight

if you can’t agree on the split , you’ll most likely need a solicitor but you can minimise costs by willingness to be realistic, compromise, negotiate and keeping letters etc to a minimum

Don’t see anything from the OP that screams abuse, many couples don’t have joint accounts, that does not in itself mean abuse !

Educate yourself about the divorce process. Wikivorce, Divorce for Dummies. Many family solicitors have a, lot of useful information on their websites.

Gather ALL financial documentation. Bank and investments, salary slios/P60s, pensions, mortgage - everything. Get an informal house valuation. Then draw up a concise statement of individual and joint assets.

Be aware that his pension may be more valuable than home equity!

After you have all the information, have a one time consultation with an experienced family solicitor. Use the time wisely - you don't want to pay them to listen to you pouring your heart out. Ask if they will represent and get paid via a charge on the house.

If at all possible, use a mediator to come to an agreement with husband. But whatever you do, don't let him rob you of what is due to you - which must allow for the fact that you'll be the children's main carer.

You don't need money to see a solicitor & process a divorce. I had zero - everything in his name. The fees were rolled-up and settled at the end from my half of assets.

@FlowerArranger thanks so much.

@millymollymoomoo thanks. It gets tiresome on MN to constantly have to defend against people accusing your STBX of being an abuser.

Most people don’t have to spend tens of thousands of their own money to work out a divorce settlement. Before you hit the big red button on that one start to establish some facts like Flower advised. Then get informed about what you would reasonably be entitled to. Accept you are going to be self serving and so will he. But unless that is totally unreasonable it can be worked out in mediation.

The outcome of mediation should give you something tangible to take to a solicitor for the final push.

if, he starts to withhold information or makes really daft demands then think about instructing lawyers.

I'm a bit late to this post but I thought you might want to use this anyway in case you're still going through the courts. https://www.iamlip.com/
I couldn't afford a solicitor, it was too much money and I didn't think I could trust the ones I had seen since they seemed to just want to take my house so they could get paid. That seemed to be the most important thing rather than safeguarding my kids. Anyway this really did help me and take me through the entire process, especially since my ex had a solicitor so I was finally able to follow what was happening with this website. I hope it can help you too xxxxxx
Even if you end up needing a solicitor, you can always use this to do some of it by yourself e.g. forms, just to save money.

Wishing you love throughout the process xxx

This, this. This

but to add…use link on this site at top to ADVICE NOW guides
theyll take you through a diy type approach, explain how to figure out what your fair settlement is.
crucially they tell you what you don’t need solicitor for, what you might and what you should use one for
then even better they have a group of solicitors that you can link to that will do just the specific tasks you need. They can work virtually and as ADVICE NOW is a charity they’re relatively cheap.
check though whether you’re also eligible for legal aid
advice now is set up by lawyers to provide clear guides on how law works and make it accessible and cheap to people that need to use it.

Oh, sorry just seen this was resurrected 🤦‍♀️