Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Childcare when 50:50

2 replies

Oldermum80 · 08/01/2023 18:22

Separated from my partner and there are disagreements which I believe are due to an inability to put our child first, and to be spiteful.
We have 50:50 over a two week cycle.
Example: child attends swimming and has weekly since 4 months old, always taken by myself. Ex partner will not take our child during his time as he may have plans. Will not allow anyone else in his family, or myself.

His family have always done 4 days of childcare, and my family 1 day as my family could not more.
We discussed our child attending preschool daily, but after separating, he will only agree to two days and one of these must include the day she is with my family.
I feel that this is simply to avoid losing time with her, rather than about her best interests.

Now that we have shared arrangements, am I right in thinking I can decide for my 50%, I can organise my own childcare, and not rely on them, or will it be seen as the status quo? I feel now that we are separated, and they are being so rigid, that I need to gain control of the situation, because as it stands it is not equal time at all and they are not putting our child’s needs before their own.

OP posts:
NoEffingWay · 08/01/2023 20:46

I have 50/50 shared care with my son. My ex-husbands sorts out his time, and I sort oit mine. Any childcare is sorted out by the respective parents. DS goes to more clubs when he with me because I can take him, and ex-h can't be bothered.

Part of the separation is also allowing my ex-h to do what he sees best, but it is also freeing because he can never again tell me what to do. It has taken some time and some strong words but it gets easier.

Some of the decisions have to made jointly e.g buying clothing, shoes, which school DS is going to, any health decisions and appointments.

NoEffingWay · 08/01/2023 20:48

I think you might need to adjust your childcare so that on your days you pay for childcare or work differently.

I took a different job working from home so that I can be there for DS, and not pay for before or after school. It pays less on paper but saves £400 a month in childcare.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread