Meeting another girlfriend, can I say anything?

[Bee2418]

My ex husband and I separated in July 2021 after 12 years of marriage. We have two boys now aged 13 and 9. He met someone new and by December 2021 was putting pressure on me for her to meet the children. During mediation we agreed the children would not meet anyone until we had been a part a year, we would only introduce them to people we were confident would be in their lives for a long time to come, and we would give each other a heads up first. My boys met his girlfriend and her children in July 2022. They broke up in December 2022.

My kids came home yesterday from a week with their dad and told me they had been to a theme park with Dad, his new friend and her children. My oldest said (with sarcasm) 'they are "just friends". She is a hairdresser, I have "no idea" how dad met her.'

Opinions please:

1. Did my ex just take my children on a date or could she really just be a friend? He is in the Navy and we don't live near where we grew up so I am confused as to how he is meeting and befriending single female hairdressers in the course of his day to day life. Her kids are different genders and a lot younger than mine so it seems like an odd choice to go to a theme park with this friend when he has other friends whose children mine actually know and get on with.

2. Do I say anything to him? My oldest is not daft and was pretty bemused by the whole thing. I am also annoyed that my children have potentially met two girlfriends and their kids in less than six months. My ex has them every other weekend, he has plenty of time to date when he is childfree. But at the same time I am over his BS and don't want to spend 2023 arguing with him. Which makes me want to keep out of it and let him get on with whatever crappy choices he is making.

They're old enough to meet whoever he's friends with or dating. It honestly really does not matter. A theme park is a fun day out, they don't need to know the other kids well or be the same gender or age.

the choice of company is obviously more for their Dad's benefit than theirs, but that's ok, it often is whether you're together or separated.

did your kids enjoy the day out?

Yeah, leave him to it, he's allowed to fuck up his own relationships, your kids meeting his girlfriends isn't going to hurt them. If THEY want a weekend 'girlfriend free' or to do something specific that can ask him.

I don’t think you can do much here. He’s going to have to reap what he sows long term. If the kids get introduced to lots of girlfriends theyre likely to get fed up with him, or take him less seriously each time or may be less cooperative than previously with new partners. It’s his choice. Primarily I’d teach your kids that they need to raise these things with their Dad not you and encourage they communicate openly with him as there’s very little you can do. It depends on your relationship with your ex but you could consider saying ‘DC1 thinks that lady at the theme park might be your girlfriend. You should maybe discuss this with him.’ When he tries to deny or confirm ‘it’s DC1 you need to discuss this with’ . As PP said your kids need to tell their father if they don’t want this lady to join future trips

You can’t control or dictate who he sees and who he introduces the children to

Sigh quietly, and roll your eyes slightly.

Let him carry on with his shit show

Interesting to see how this is viewed. I bet if it was a woman introducing another new man to her kids so soon after the last one she'd be getting her arse handed to her now. See other threads on similar topics.

Oh I am 18 months out from my marriage going down the pan and I have yet to start dating because I will have my ass handed to me by everyone I know. My children have even told me they don't want me to date anyone.

I would check with him if the original agreement around new relationships was still being respected and remind him of the negative impact it could have on your children bringing women in and out of their lives.
Although you have no legal standing, it's important you voice your concerns.
Its a shame its so easily accepted that men can do this, especially in circumstances they have less contact with their children, surely this time should be used for bonding with their children, not their latest fling.
But it's important not to get caught up as it could be a way of getting a rise out of you too.
Personally I would have a conversation with him but keeping your wits about you to see what his intention behind this is.

I think it’s natural to be concerned re the suitability of your ex’s new partners and whether they will be long term as you are obviously concened re your children’s well being. However, it’s a delicate balance. Imo it’s fine to express your concerns to your ex in a general way but ultimately if he ignores you there is little to nothing you can do. As long as these women are nice to your kids at the end of the day you probably have nothing to worry about.

My Dad has had about a million girlfriends, but we only ever met two. He was honest about it when he did have a girlfriend, but he just always said he didn't see the point in introducing us until they'd been around for at least a year. He was quite self-aware - he knew his relationships came and went quite quickly. I'm very glad I didn't have to awkwardly put up with a merry-go-round of women and play insincere happy families with another stranger every few months. I'm glad that the time we spent with my dad was about us children, not new partners.

My dad is as useless as they come - if he can manage to separate his chaotic love life from his children in order to keep stability, then I don't see why other men can't 🤷‍♀️

Honestly Op. I think you need to relax a bit kn this. You're separated 18months, he hasn't rushed into anything really and you shouldn't put your life on hold if you feel ready to date either. You don't have to make any introductions etc but don't let your kids dictate your life. They will move on and live their own lives