I need an outlet and to ask how others manage with an Ex that shows no respect?
Our youngest is 13, the eldest 15. The 15 YO hasn’t seen her Dad since April and he has ignored her birthday and Christmas. The youngest I think is blinkered to
how her Dad behaves (he is very manipulative, including of her, and she is unaware of the financial abuse and coercive behaviour I have experienced during our divorce).
My Ex has has my youngest for the last week. He went to the other end of the country to get remarried.
Fine with me re remarriage, but there’s been a shroud of mystery since the engagement was announced over when he wanted to travel which I interpret as an attempt to control as common decency is to share that info, especially as I work (NHS) and it’s school Christmas Holidays.
Dates of travel were needed to be confirmed via solicitor as he’s refused to communicate - and he’s stuck to neither.
The youngest has been spoken with by him recently about ‘the Gillick law’, he’s trying to drive a wedge between her and her sister, that she can come over his whenever she wants, and he’s again trying to force a change to 50/50, from 70/30 (CMS related) - which would increase the time the siblings are apart.
We don’t have a court order re the children, but since he is so difficult to make arrangements / agreements with, we have been referred back to mediation.
Mediation failed last time (now 18 months ago) as he ignored what the children said and forced a change to suit his narrative. Finances are now resolved as part of divorce - with the exception that I use the CMS - but he didn’t stick with any of those agreements either. On the CMS front, he’s underpaid the last two months and need to report it. I haven’t told them he hasn’t seen the eldest since April as I’ve tried to ‘be reasonable’ and wait for mediation, but I feel like it’s a bad joke that I’m trying to be reasonable and he walks all over me and does want he wants. And my 13 YO doesn’t see it.
I just feel like it’s never-ending and this selfishness and ‘behaviour’ isn’t about his daughters, it’s about him causing upset for me. I am supported by Women’s Aid due to how he has behaved (repeated attempts to manipulate, visit my home to ‘spy’ on my whereabouts, questioning my parenting, control through the youngest, his attitude toward the eldest etc).
Has anyone else experienced anything like this?
How do you stay sane knowing that this person is going to be there making things as difficult as possible?
How do you support your child, knowing that the other parent is just pouring poison all the time?
Thanks.