So I'm in court this Weds

[icameonholidaybyaccident]

Hi all
After a long and painful couple of years, my divorce is finally coming to a head. The ex wanted it this way even though if he'd been collaborative and amicable as I was with him I would have settled more than a year ago and without all the legal costs. Maybe he just wants revenge for me calling time on our marriage (he made it untenable but god knows I tried for years). I'm a total mixed bag of emotions. I have applied myself to the process to the best of my ability and I can do no more. I have been honest and cooperative. But with only a day to go I feel sick to my stomach about the court day (FDR). I very much hope we can get this done and signed off with a reasonable outcome for all. I am dreading seeing him and wish I never had to ever again. I'm dreading the power he and the judge have over me. He's trying to take my home away from me and my kids - despite having an equal home of his own and earning half a million a year. I've lived overseas, dependent on him and supporting his career for 20yrs and begged to come home many times. I finally made it, with my kids, but I'm afraid for my future as my earning potential at 50-odd yrs old, sick and newly back in the UK is so low. I have ADHD (medicated) and an auto-immune that is flaring right now. I'm trying to prepare by staying calm, quiet and meditating. In some ways I feel calm and strong. Then the next minute I feel terrified.
So I suppose I'm asking for advice/support from anyone who has been through this. Let me know if there's anything you wish you'd known before you went in. Thanks and happy new year to everyone.

Hi, I feel you! I had an FDR in April and we actually had to go to a final hearing because ex still would not agree. I was very nervous and kept getting waves of absolute dread and fear. Do you have a solicitor or barrister representing you? I actually never had to speak at any of our hearings as they did everything! The hardest thing was listening to the complete load of shit coming from my exs mouth (he self represented) but my barrister explained the judge was trying to allow him to feel heard and the judge made great efforts to build a rapport with him. I found this hard to deal with as felt the judge “liked” him more than me but actually it was just tactics by an experienced judge who has seen many controlling men dragging their wives through court!

we had put in a really reasonable offer and at both the FDR and final hearing the judges completely agreed with me and I got what I asked for - the judge did give him one tv which is about 10 years old, again probably to make him feel he hadn’t “lost”.

if your legal team is good they will be very gentle with you and support you in more than just the legal side. If you can, take someone with you for support on the outside. My dad came and just waited but need him for the journey there and back.

you can get through this, be strong!! Good luck xx

Thank you so much it helps just to hear someone else has been through it and survived. Yes I have a solicitor and barrister and they are quite supportive. It's useful to hear what you said about the judge handling your ex - that would upset me too but hearing that it's tactical helps, so thank you.
Congratulations on getting through yours and having your proposal accepted. I'm going to take my sister who can apparently be with me all day except in the courtroom which should help enormously. Thanks again x

Gosh good luck to you, just here to wish you support, you deserve the best outcome, sleep well and be kind to yourself! Xx

Thank you very much! X

Presumably you have a solicitor?

Yes. And a barrister.

Good Luck for tomorrow! I hope you get a decent judge.

Hi

will be going through same this month(I think) next month at latest. Dreading it is an understatement. Following with interest and tips.

Good luck OP.

How did you get on today in court?!

I really hope it went well today.