Custody of 1 year old

[Felics]

Hello all

My first post here.

I was wondering if anyone had any advice on custody arrangements for a 12 month old?

I've recently separated from my wife. It's only been a few weeks. We have both been unhappy in the relationship for various reasons (which are irrelevant for this post). There has been a lot of hurt on both sides, however we have a child together that we need to consider.

Although we weren't on great terms I thought we'd be amicable for our son's sake. Shes always said i was a great father and im very involved with our sons upbringing. However on the day we separated, she was against the idea of me seeing our son every day as she wanted "space" from me. However she agreed some frequent visits after she saw how devastated I was not being able to see our child.

The first week over Xmas I was able to see and take our child (for about 5 hours) every 2 days. However, now that I'm back at work and don't have much free time on the weekdays, I have asked for our son on both the Saturday and Sunday (from 12-5). She has shot down this idea as she wants to have spend time with him on one of these days. I noted that as she works 3 days a week, she had ample time to spend with our son. She has also simultaneously rejected me having him overnights on the weekdays. So I'm stuck with only seeing my son 5 hours a week. Sometimes after work I'd drive in the evening to see him, but that would only be for 45 minutes in my car (reading to him).

She's not open to any flexibility which leaves me in a difficult position - what can I do? I honestly don't think it's fair on my me and my son to share such little time together. I have tried to bring this up with her whilst being sensitive to the fact that we're both still hurting in ourselves. However where I've tried to detach our issues from our son, she is finding it hard to separate these to look at the needs of our son outside our relationship problems.

I know it's still early but the fact that I'm barely seeing my son is causing me real sadness. I've looked into mediation (and as a last resort court) but not heard great things in terms of what fathers are awarded.

Any advice? Is it worth going down this route? Given ourson is so young would i get any significant access?

Thanks in advance.

Sorry I can't really advise on your post but, You might get more responses posting in a busier part of the forum. I don't think you will get much traffic here.

Did you suggest that you see him both weekend days for the foreseeable future? I can see why she doesn't want to commit to having no weekends with him if so. Why did you suggest 12-5 rather than a whole day?

Also this:

However where I've tried to detach our issues from our son, she is finding it hard to separate these to look at the needs of our son outside our relationship problems.

comes across as quite supercilious and is almost guaranteed to piss her off, so I'd steer clear of suggesting that you are the only one capable of putting your son first if you want to have a productive discussion.

The key will be what's best for your son - do you have somewhere appropriate for him to visit? Has he ever been away overnight before? How far away from your ex would you be? Are you used to doing day to day care for him etc? I think you need to show that you are thinking about him rather than leveraging your sadness and sense of fairness if you want to get the best result sorting arrangements between yourselves.

What's your housing situation op?

Are you expecting her to care for him while you are at work and just to see him when you have time?

As a 1 year old is still a baby and babies need a consistent routine you need to be more realistic about what you think of as flexibility and who it would benefit you or your ds ie set days and times each week/fortnight good for your ds perhaps not for you vs any day/time that is convenient for you but no fixed timetable very bad for your ds.
As for you having him overnight have you ever cared for him by yourself with no help including night feeds/waking? Do you have a suitable home to take him to?
Expecting to set up a routine where you have him every weekend and mum never gets any would not be acceptable to anyone or any court so you need to forget about that now. You expecting to see him everyday and not giving his mum space could be seen as abusive and using your child to manipulate her again not going to go well for you in a court. She has a right to not have or want you in her home or see you daily that's not her being cruel but setting reasonably boundaries.
What a court would give you custody wise is not much at his age but would likely increase as he gets older but most nrp end up with every other weekend and 1 mid week visitation (sometimes overnight but less likely mid week).
You need to accept that your ds will be at nursery and then school all to soon and you need to think seriously about whether you're going to be able to get him to and from school/nursery on your days or not and how much of the mental load are you truly able/willing to take on because if you want 50/50 care that means you being responsible for half of everything including arranging and paying for childcare on your days, uniform, parties, presents Dr's appointments, vaccinations, dentists and optician appointments. If you can't do this then you can't do 50/50 care.
I really don't mean to be cruel but you seem to be more concerned about what you want than what is best for your ds

You son is one. What works for him now will change as he develops . So why not take it a month at a time for now?
My ex did the whole stupid taking me to court things because he failed to understand that what was done age 1 would change over the coming months and years.

It's all new and fresh, give things time to calm down. And each have one weekend day.

But this isn't your first post? You posted this exact thing yesterday or day before?

I personally wouldn't recommend going to court. It would make things messy and jeprodise anything amicable you have now and in the future.

Give it time and you will find a routine but there's nothing wrong with her setting boundaries. If she's his main carer then that needs to be respected so if she needs space, this may (for now) affect the amount of times you see him each week and it sounds like she has thought about it and become more flexible with you seeing him.

Expecting to have him every weekend, both days, for the times you specify is imo completely unreasonable. Could you have him one weekend day for longer and her have him the other day? Then you see him once or twice in the week too after work?

It needs to be done around the best interests of your LO not around convience.