Looking for some advice and support on how to best cope with a recent event in my journey out of an abusive relationship. I have posted at various points in the relationship and found amazing support here in terms of realising what was happening and getting out.
My ex is a chronic weed smoker, had black moods, was emotionally and verbally abusive, sexually demanding, isolated me from friends and family and prevented my financial independence. He proposed in a massive love bombing fashion but later changed his mind because a) I wasn't giving him enough sex b) I wanted a life away from him with friends and didn't include him c) he was afraid I'd divorce him and move another man into his family home.
I know it was the right decision to leave.
Co parenting our two boys (6 and 9) has been difficult as I had no rights to the family home and had to leave. I struggled to explain to my boys that Mum didn't leave them and had difficulty getting them to settle with 50% time in a temporary home at my mother's. Although it is a warm, safe and loving environment, their father's family is wealthy and they reside in a large and luxurious home with him (also the home they have always known). I would prefer to have them more but they are resistant. This is also because I live much further from their school and friends and can't afford to move closer. He is manipulative and showers them with gifts and lavish experiences. He tries to turn my elder son away from a friend whose Mum I'm close with and get support from/hang out together.
He blames me for the demise of the relationship saying I didn't love him enough and has told his family that I had an affair. I have never been unfaithful but he has had multiple sexual indiscretions.
He hired a live in au pair shortly after I left which I struggled with a bit feeling replaced/displaced (posted about it here) but I sucked it up because she seemed nice and is kind to the boys.
He informed me on Christmas day that they are now in a romantic and sexual relationship. She is 23 - 19 years his junior. She has no family or friends here and her level of English is poor. I know she sounds vulnerable but seems very happy to be with him so I don't know...
He's told the kids and says they are happy for him. They're so little. I don't know what they will be thinking but I will do my best to reassure them and be as balanced as I can.
I was blindsided and am shocked by the depth of hurt, desperation and powerlessness I feel. I simply don't know how to manage my feelings and am scared. They are all due to go on holiday together in a few weeks. I know there's little I can do. I know that I'm better off out. But I'm terrified he will slowly but surely pull my children away with this shiny new life and relationship. I also feel it is horrendous messaging for my two young boys.
I've asked him to move her out of the house given that they are now in a relationship but he refuses.
I know this is designed to hurt. I want to hold my head up and ignore him but I feel so devalued, erased, disrespected. How do I get through this?