Quick bank account needed - how to leave quickly?

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I have come to the realisation that I am in an emotionally abusive marriage. He seems to be getting worse and is so sarcastic and mocking it's becoming unbearable. I may need to make a swift exit over Christmas. I suspect covert narcissism.

One child is back from first term of uni for 3 weeks or so and the other is 15 years old (DD). My only option would be to stay with my parents short term which is an hour away and then I'll need to commute into work from there when my leave finishes early Jan.

Not sure if my daughter would want to come with me as he's abusive towards me not her although she has said to me that she thinks he treats me badly. She's doing her GCSEs in the summer and has a boyfriend and a good circle of friends locally so not sure whether uprooting her would be a good idea at this stage.

We have a joint bank account so I need to quickly open my own account secretly so no paperwork comes through the letterbox to show my intentions. Can anyone recommend a good account?

Any other advice? He'll never move out of the family home and wants to stay married to me so it's down to me to start the process swiftly.

I found the quickest way was to open an account with the same bank as they don't need to do all the background checks again. Good luck.

Thanks - if I went with the same bank would my new account show up on our joint online banking page along with our joint accounts?

Try Chase. Really quick to set up and all online.

It would show up on your login but not his.

Starling

<sigh> can never get the quote thing to work

That was in relation to you having your own account with the same bank as your joint account

Revolut or monease. Takes minutes

Starling, really easy and quick to open on the app

I have both Chase and Monzo. Both were set up within an app in a few minutes.

starling was easy and quick, all email and an app. But they do need to post you a debit card.

Confirm Starlin and I know replacement cards can be sent to a different address than the account address but I don't know for the original

Monzo & Starling both literally take about 15 mins online, but yes, they do post you a debit card. You can start using the account through Apple Pay, for transfers etc pretty much immediately.

Good luck!

Another vote for Starling. Good luck OP.

I don't know if this is any help to you OP but TSB have recently launched safe spaces.

www.tsb.co.uk/news-releases/tsb-launches-emergency-flee-fund-for-domestic-abuse-victims/

I recall people on the Relationships board saying banks can flag your account in cases of domestic abuse so nothing gets sent out. Maybe ask or even just do a search on there.

Thanks all. Legally can he change the locks if I leave? The house and mortgage is in both our names. Just thinking about getting all my stuff out.

There is a no-card option with Revolut where you can choose to have a virtual card (works for online purchases and Apple Pay/Google pay) and no physical card. You can get a card at a later date when you’re safe to do so. Good luck OP.

I’m sure Metro bank print cards there and then. Accounts are all online. Well, they did the last time I looked.

Is your employer aware of the domestic violence toolkit? Tell them the situation (mental and controlling behaviour is abuse), talk them through the toolkit and tell them what you need in terms of support. This may include help setting up bank account and corresponding wages to different account quickly.

www.gov.uk/government/news/new-advice-to-help-employers-deal-with-domestic-abuse-and-stigma

I have a starling which I did online , although card etc comes to your address

Just want to say good luck.

and starling bank account was incredibly easy to open- though as pp have said, they posted card to home address.

This might be helpful

survivingeconomicabuse.org/i-need-help/banking/opening-a-new-bank-account-safely/

If you do it with the same bank you may be able to get a new account linked to current debit card or as long as he won't open the mail you can just tell him the bank sent you a replacement card for the existing joint account. An account must be in the person's name or they must have legal responsibility for the account for it to show on your online banking. Don't transfer money to the new account electronically, take it out as cash or cashback paid into the new account.

I opened an online account with Lloyd's. Took less than 5 minutes. Not saying it's the best or anything, just that it's pretty easy to do with any bank.

Thanks so much everyone! This is all very useful.

The monese and revokut dont post a card. Its a virtual card you keep on your phone and use your phone to pay for stuff.