My husband left me 2 weeks ago. We have been together for 16 years with children already, and I am pregnant again.
There are various factors which have lead to this separation: among these my main gripes are his control of our finances and refusing me access to accounts or even knowing how much is in our accounts, issues with his family causing resentment towards each other on both our parts, him going out every weekend drinking until the small hours of the morning and then lying in bed the full next day leaving me with our children. the kids have grown up thinking this is normal which makes me so sad for them.
I know there is blame to be assigned on both our parts but I have become increasingly depressed about the lack of respect he treats me with as well as worrying about the effect that our relationship will have on our children.
The straw that broke the camel’s back is that I found out I was pregnant and he told me that if I didn’t have an abortion then we were finished.
I can’t reconcile myself with aborting this child and therefore haven’t. He told the children we were over and walked out leaving me to console them-I think he did this to hurt me but I don’t think he realised how much it has affected them.
He genuinely loves the children and, while he doesn’t spend as much time with them as I feel he should, I do think (hope) he intends to do his best for them.
two weeks on he still is living out with the house and has sent me a financial proposal for our separation which he says is very generous. I told him I couldn’t agree to anything without full transparency over how much money is in the accounts. I’ve also told him that I am not mentally able to deal with something like this at the moment while I am still not able to process how much my life has turned upside down. I am trying to keep things together for the sake of my children, as well as balancing working and being pregnant.
I asked for some time and initially he agreed. Now, 36 hours later he has told me I’m messing him about and that he has withdrawn his “generous offer” and will be contacting a lawyer to get divorce proceedings started.
I am in a huge panic.
I had thought that in the uk we would have to be separated for a period of time before he could force me to divorce-I really had hoped my maternity leave would be over before the financial separation could be enforced as I cannot hope to support myself and my children on maternity pay (and even when I return to work this will be a struggle as I have made big sacrifices in my career in order to care for my children while he has gone from strength to strength in his.)
I feel like I am failing my children-I am spending every night sitting with them crying themselves to sleep and then go and do the same myself. I am trying to stay strong for them but really I am in pieces inside.
I had hoped he would change his mind and come back to us but it feels that he can’t get things sorted quickly enough. I have no money to pay a lawyer and it seems that he already has a lawyer and an accountant at his disposal. I feel so helpless. I rely on him transferring me money for food, bills etc so cannot get on his bad side in case he refuses to give me any more.
Can he force this upon me so quickly? And if not, is there a period of time whereupon he can?
thank you