Struggling getting my head round the way forward

[xfluffycookiex]

Two weeks ago my partner just blurted out he was done. We have 3 children 8,13, & nearly 16. One of them has a long term medical condition and adhd and has recently took two overdoses so is a safeguarding high risk child.

I know why it’s happened I didn’t give him what he needed I’ve just been too busy surviving life probably dealing with everything we have faced. we have lost each other lost what we were. But we have never really properly talked about it. I don’t want this I want to try and find us and work at it. But it’s almost like wall has come down and he is no I have no desire to try💔 I’m convinced someone has turned his head at work and he has jumped ship and only time will tell on that one. He denies it but I’ve said if there is no one else why would you not try? What is there to lose? I asked him you want a new fluffy relationship without our baggage and he said yes.

I’m just really scared how I do this financially as he is a higher earner and I’m basic wage. How do we sell our house and get two separate properties. Can I do that? Is there any possibility of staying in the house till the kids leave with us being unmarried? Or am I literally up creak without a paddle. I’m an independent strong person I know I can do this but I’m so scared at the same time. At the moment he hasn’t spoke about anything that’s in his head plans etc. he didn’t even have a plan when he dropped the bomb shell I had to ask him to go to his mums and came up with a nesting plan for the kid’s security. I’m also sad for losing him and having my whole world ripped from under me as he was my soul mate my rock and the person that new me the best. Half our lives together and he doesn’t even want to try 💔

Im getting my free legal advise soon so any prompts of important stuff I need to ask would be much appreciated.

Ive been lerking and reading for a week it’s nice to know I’m not alone and this seems to happen more than you know.

Thanks for reading

As you’re not married your in a much more precarious position
hiw us the house owned? Joint tenants? Tenants in common? Just him ?
that will determine alot
You don’t have automatic rights to remain in the house even if married m, even less if not married.
however you do still need to house your chikdren so could possibly try to use tolata and schedule 1. Of children’s act to remain for a period IF there is no other option

have you looked at how much child maintenance would be due?
have you looked at other in work benefits you may be entitled to ?

has he given any indication currently of how he sees this panning out ( not that you need to agree just to get an understanding of what’s in his head )

Ah I see he hasn’t mentioned this
you should ask him……

tell him you will be going for 50:50 child arrangements- that will give him a dose of reality

We own the house jointly. He did mutter as he left after the bomb shell don’t worry about money and the house we will sell jan 50/50.

however it is a massive worry there is never a good time but the market is so unstable atm and interest rates 😱 we are currently on a very good rate for two years I think.

he gave me his p60 so I have calculated what he could pay me. (Haven’t gone down that rd yet as he is still taking care of bills this month)

I re started child benefit as I stopped as him being a higher earner and also got it back dated.

I’m thinking next month I need to pay my half the mortgage?

what are in work benefits like UC?

Hi OP.

One step at a time. I understand the need to ask all these questions but you need to slow down your thinking.

So if he is paying all the bills this month that gives you until end of January to really get advice and get your head together. Explain to him that even though his mind is quite made up that this is a shock to you and you need time to adjust. Live hour to hour at the moment, try and not think too far into the future. All that will come with time. You’ve got at least 7-8 weeks to try and come to terms with all this.

Legal advice is the absolute best way to start. Get on the UC website just now and put in a claim to see if you are entitled to anything, it takes around 8 weeks for a decision so best to do that now. If he has now left the house contact the council office and they should look to put a reduction in place.

There is a million other things but those 3 in my opinion are the most important in the first few weeks.

Try and not think about the home being sold until the new year, give your mind time to rest.

I’m wishing you well and please do come back to the thread when and if you need support.

Hi,

Following as i have similar situation

I could have wrote this, so many areas I can relate!

Look at the CSA calculator to see what you may be due from him monthly going. Forwards. Also look at one of the sites to see what you may/may nit be entitled to from a benefits point if view. Knowing is half the battle, as you can then consider plans from there.

My friend was in a similar situation husband the high earner while she watched the kids/worked pt. She ended up renting for a short spell to give time to know what was feasible