Ex wife is refusing to provide statements

[Nonagainst]

Hi All.

I was wondering if anyone could help.

My stbxw left me and our children Jan 2022. She had been having an affair and left to be with the new man after I found texts on her phone from him. I was a stay at home dad and looked after our 4 kids as she had a very well paid job (so did I but we agreed she didn’t want to stop her career and I wanted to raise the kids).

Anyway. She had full financial control over me unfortunately over the years and whilst I have next to nothing to my name (I’ve got a new job and starting in the new year) we’ve started mediation as a ‘middle ground’ for an ‘amicable’ divorce.

However, after our first mediation meeting she has said she will be redacting bank statements for ‘data protection’ (she sometimes employees people and works on new secret projects that she says show up on her bank statements when she gets paid). I don’t believe her. I believe she’s either been hiding money away or her affair was going on a lot longer than I realised and she doesn’t want it proven.

The mediator said she can redact the statements as this is sometimes done and if I don’t like it we will have to go to court.

I’ve spoken to my solicitor who has never heard of anyone doing this for data protection purposes but obviously cannot said 100% that a judge will make her provide non redacted statements if she makes a good case.

The likelihood is we will end up in court but has anyone heard of this sort of thing before? Redacting statements to, as she puts it, ‘protect her employees details and ensure she doesn’t get in trouble with secret projects that no one knows about’.

She works in the music industry fyi, so it’s not like she’s working for MI5.

Can't see a judge agreeing -- could be payments to herself or family members for different accounts, or a tactic to help others dodge taxes. At the very least, judge would want to see all the info and then decide whether others should see it.

Thank you for replying. I can’t imagine a judge agreeing to this either but she’s made it all sound very convincing!

Mediation is most definitely not appropriate. Waste of money. Just liaise through your solicitors

Doubt she can use the DPA for that sort of issue, screams shes trying to hide something. Dont bother with mediation you cant mediate with someone like that. Submit the Form A and let the court force appropriate disclosure. Been in similar circumstances and wish we had never bothered trying to mediate. good luck

She will have to give full financial disclosure, just like everyone e else.

She’s trying her luck.

Your solicitor should know about data protection and GDPR as they deal with it everyday. The amount of money she sent or received from a person isn't personal data, though someone's name and any account details are.

If she is going to hide transaction details then she is continuing to exert control but you need to concentrate on finding out:

• Her salary e.g copy of her P60
• If she runs a company a copy of her company accounts and money in the company
• The amount of savings and investments in her name
• The value of her pension(s)
• Any marital debts in joint names
• Is she living with someone else? If she is who owns where she is living?

Also it doesn't matter how long her affair has been going on as it doesn't mean you are entitled to more or less marital money and assets.

Just make it clear that you are the parent your children mainly live with so don't let them spend too many overnights with her until things are sorted.

Oh and you can't have an amicable divorce and co-parenting relationship with a person who is controlling and lies.

You need to work on setting firm boundaries with her over everything and you will have to parellel parent with your children until she shows that she is no longer controlling and lying.

Your reply is extremely helpful. I should have mentioned she wants to hide the account numbers and names of people ‘she’s paid or worked for’ but leave the amounts. That obviously leaves me to trust her a lot to only redact those sorts of transactions but I believe she will redact more under the guise of DP. The only reason I mentioned the affair is because she said it was going on for a few weeks, but I believe now it’s been going on for years and her statements will prove that.

Co parenting has been difficult already with her and continues to be so. I just want this all over asap and to move on.

I was surprised my solicitor was so wishy washy about the whole thing if I’m honest.

One would assume that for tax/accounting purposes she is running a business account for all her work-related expenses, if so you should request those accounts too.

Otherwise she's trying to fiddle not just you but potentially HMRC.

I think she's playing games and hoping that you'll accept her trying to hide cash. I agree with pp - mediation doesn't seem to be working so I'd back out.

That is an important detail Op

no issue with account details being disguised at all

The fact that she had an affair is completely and utterly irrelevant in the eyes of the laws re the settlement

I would a forensic accountant

Suggest

Apologies I should have put it in the original post. So redacting account numbers and names is fine to do?

Oh I know it doesn’t hold anything within the realm of the divorce proceedings. I only mentioned it as a reason I believe she’s trying to hide the money, to save her image, that’s all.

Yes, particularly as this is a business account

If it is a business account and she is redacting some account details for some transactions - this is perfectly acceptable

Hi, so she pays people through her normal current account, it’s not necessarily an official ‘business account’ but it’s where her business transactions are made through. Such a shame that it’s allowed to happen as it’s just all the more suspicious for me. She’s also just told me about £100,000 worth of debt too so it’s all not looking very good.

In that case…. This “business” she runs without a business account is going to be of interest to HMRC

You seem so clued up! I want you on my team haha. Yeah she’s self employed and runs all her own businesses (as far as I’m aware and what she’s told me) through her normal current account.

I just didn’t want to go to court unnecessarily or go to court and them allow her redacted statements as well. I’m hoping a judge would want to see the full account names and numbers too, because she seems to have been quite ‘sketchy’ with money.

It all sounds very messy if I’m honest

Op I’ll start with I think you need a new solicitor. You’re lacking basic facts that a legal professional should have been able to provide you with. I remember writing a post only within the last few days stating mn should never be the go to for legal advice, people spout nonsense on here that then gets regurgitated by everyone else like they’re facts. But it does certainly seem like a bunch of randoms on a baby advice site are talking more sense than your solicitor.

From the op’s wording I think the ex is potentially very embarrassed about ‘extra’ details about her affair potentially coming to light. Presumably she’s is going to be harshly judged by family/friends/colleagues if it happens that she’s been shagging about for years. I can see where the op is coming from being worried about what else she may be able to cover up if she’s trying to cover up financial details to do with the affair.

fact of affair may be irrelevant, but if she's been buying the affair partner lots of gifts that could be relevant.