Newly separated

[Thegreatescape123]

Hi,

Not sure why I’m here. I’m feeling really low right now. My husband of 8 years decided about 6 weeks ago that I was the problem to everything in his life. We argued and he gave me heaps of verbal abuse. He eventually apologised but said it’s my fault because I refuse to take his family’s crap (I don’t speak to them). I found it hard to accept his apology so he just got nastier. Everything I’ve ever told him about my life has been thrown back in my face. I’ve been belittled, verbally abused and treated like utter crap. He’s asking for a divorce which I’ve agreed to. We have two little kid’s. One is 6 and the other is 3. I don’t have anyone else here. My family live in another country and I relied heavily on him for companionship. I work full time and think I can support myself and the kid’s.

It just breaks my heart as I thought we were happy. I look at my children and my heart aches for them. I cry as I type this. I feel utterly helpless.

Oh op, it sounds like he’s had his head turned, I’m so sorry. I have been there, and it’s shit. Get planning re your finances going forward, and see a lawyer.

Sorry that sounds tough. Often when people blame someone else for everything, the issue is really with them - mid life crisis, affair or depression, who knows. Just know what he says is no reflection of you. He will probably regret it in the long run, but not your problem. If you feel any of it is fixable, suggest marriage counselling.

if it’s not fixable, its going to be tough getting through this but you will. It sounds like your ex has mentally prepared for all this. It’s gonna be tough with 2 kids but to help you through this, try to think of what you need to feel ok- more exercise, hot baths, meditation, whatever it is, try to find a way to make yourself feel good.

if you feel ready, start practically thinking re next steps - get legal advice, think about what kind of co parenting arrangement you want. You may want agreement from your ex to look after the kids at set times to give you some time for you - look up meet-up groups where you may be able to find some supportive communities. You may need to ask your ex to leave the house - get solicitors advice first and start planning your life without him and planning how you are gonna look after you and your kids. You and your kids deserve someone supportive.