Financial settlement

[Mumofone687]

Any insight would be great.

My ex has agreed to divorce and this is in the process. He has been demanding a large sum of money which he refused to take in smaller amounts (due to what I can afford). I bought the house before we met/married and all bills in my name. I have worked full time without a day off and he claims UC due to kidney failure. He is able to work but has chosen not to for the last 3 years of our marriage. I am mum to one 3 year old who I care for mostly alone. He has had her every other weekend.

All of my wages go on bills, mortgage and debts with nothing left over. There is 70k equity.

He has never contributed to the marriage or bought anything at all for our daughter.

He asking for me to give him 12k which he says will pay off his credit card and leave him with enough to find a place to live. He currently lives with his parents who fully support him.

I cannot sell the house as this is our home and we were only married 4 years.

What do we think is fair here?

Thanks

I think fair is that you keep almost all of the equity. I believe the law is he should get roughly 50%.

If £12k is guaranteed to have a smooth swift end to the whole process then you’d be mad not to take it. You are definitely on the better end of that deal.

With all due respect I doubt he has 'chosen' not to work with Kidney failure. He is hardly swinging the lead.
You had a child with him in that situation.
Did you ring fence your money? Tbh he has to house and look after your joint child too and I think paying him off would be the way forward.
Sorry....

I’d agree the 12k pronto, get it all agreed legally and watertight and move on, before he realises he’d potentially be due much more !

Oh and you spend a lot more than that on legal fees should he start trying to claim more…..

12 k and he leaves your home and pension alone?!?!

yes please!!!

do not give him a penny until you have a legal agreement though

What they said. If he’ll really accept only £12k I’d rip his arm off and do it asap. Do you think you’ll get a better deal?

If there's 70k equity then I'd be biting his hand-off if he only asked for 12k.
He is probably entitled to more.
I appreciate you need the house and every penny is accounted for but is there anyway you could raise the money? Remortgage, loan, savings, sell any assets ? Have you taken any legal advice.
And Tbf if he has kidney failure working may well be difficult, especially if he has dialysis.

Agree to 12k, get it all legally drawn up and then run for the hills

Speak to a good solicitor. They can confirm what he's entitled to and help you negotiate.

Don't take advice from people on!

Thank you all. I appreciate his kidney failure makes working hard at times, but he did work for 2 years FT with it before. As I was paying everything it made it easier for him to take his foot off the gas and instead run up a credit card and abuse drugs.

Being married for only 4 years, together for 1 before means we are in a short marriage and he brought nothing in with him.

Would it be feasible for me to take on extra debt and have larger outgoings each month?

I cannot remortgage as term just restarted for 5 years and interest rates would cripple me. Is it fair that I'm offering the money but in smaller chunks? I can sell jewellery and have offered him furniture (that I bought) for when he moves out. Our divorce is not in the final stages until April so consent order cannot be sent til then. Should I pay when he signs or pay when it's agreed?

Thanks all x

I would do anything I could to scrape together that money and pay him off asap.

Would he agree to you transferring his £12k debt on to your credit card? That way you could pay it off a bit at a time.

Have you had legal advice? I think only a solicitor can tell you what is fair and a court would likely decide. The fact he is disabled by the sounds of it, may have an impact.