Co parenting

[JadeGreen19]

We co-parent 50:50 and our child is age 6. I think a switch to more time at my place would be better, as our child is travelling a lot between two homes, and I fear they are getting tired.

What rights do I have though? Ex-husband wants 50:50 parenting and I cannot really deny him that, but I am concerned about our child's wellbeing.

You have no more rights than your ex husband

you’d need to clearly demonstrate why 50:50 is detrimental to your child in order to change the arrangement

Thought as much that's why I agreed to 50:50.

I take on 95% of the mental load though. Paying and booking childcare, dentist, GP, remembering to give medication, emailing school, diarising school events...... he 'forgets' if I ask him to shoulder any of it.

I have a 5 month old baby and me and the dad separated. He lives 90 minutes away now with his parents, it’s a very over crowded house with his parents, two older siblings and 2 younger siblings. He doesn’t have a bedroom. He wants the baby 3/4 nights a week including 2 days when he’ll be out the house 10 hours a day and his mum will have the baby. He doesn’t see that this is unreasonable. Is there anything I can do aside from mediation?

I know a couple with a 6yo who live a few blocks away from each other to minimise travel time, and have some system where the child does one week with three nights with mum, four nights with dad then switches the following week.

Mental load - if you do it, he won't. You could write down all that needs to be done and split it - if he doesn't do it, don't pick it up for him, let him bear the consequence. Eg if he's in charge of buying school uniform and doesn't, he will be the one going to an all-night Tesco the night before term.

I think CMS is payable only where one parent has the child more than 50% of the time - could that be a factor?

If it went before a court, their primary concern is the wellbeing of the child rather than the wishes of the parents. The younger the child, the more likely it is to be in their best interests to be with the primary caregiver most of the time and not be away from their mum for too long.

I imagine you'd be well within your rights to say he doesn't have anywhere suitable for the baby to stay and until he does, he can't do overnights.

If the baby is in his care and he arranges childcare (eg his mum) I don't think you can do much about that.

Thank you for your reply. I’ve rang a couple of solicitors and apparently they can’t do anything until I’ve had at least the initial appointment with a mediator which is next Tuesday. I’m thinking about applying for an emergency residency order. I think avoiding paying CMS is definitely a factor but I’ve had to rearrange health appointments and all sorts as she isn’t with me 2 days of the week and I spend the third travelling to get her back.

The reason why courts want coparenting to be equal is because there are huge benefits for the child to have a strong bond with both parents and to spend time with both parents.

The reasons you are giving are about how the arrangement impacts on you. Which could be resolved by other means. Maybe mediation is the first step and you need to be firm on what a 50:50 arrangement means. It’s not just time but costs and responsibilities.