How to tell the kids?

[Beetlewings]

They are pre teens and good kids. I am afraid I'm about to potentially affect them negatively by leaving the spacious family home with them to rent a small place because of intolerable behaviour from their father.
I've always been honest with them, rational and pragmatic and never over-sugar coated any difficult issues we've been through, but how do I tell them their dad is actually not nice to live with? They of course think he's wonderful 🙄 and don't know the details, but I'm having difficult deciding to barefaced LIE to them to save their fathers feelings

‘We have decided we’d be happier living in separate houses. We are both still your parents and love you’

No lie there. Well done for being brave. Ultimately they will be better for it.

This is good. Break the news WITH their dad.

and FFS don’t start divulging details to your kids. If you need someone to talk to about it, find a therapist or a counsellor or something. Not the kids.

You don’t tell them their dad is hard to live with or anything of the sort!

fatgirlswim has it right

The children don't need to know what issues you have with their father. You would not be telling the bare faced lies to protect him, it is about being economical with the truth to protect them. That is both your jobs as parents, whether together or apart. They love you both and don't need to feel conflicted over loyalties to either of you or protect you from hurt, as many children will try to do. The damage from seperated parents is when children are involved as go betweens or exposed to conflict and inconsistency with contact. Any conflict between you needs to happen when they are not there. Email each other about information regarding contact, school schedules, what they need to bring to contact, don't expect them to tell their father messages from you. If that is too difficult, pack a message book to go with them, that you both put messages in
They will form their own views of their father's behaviour
Tell them together ideally and phrase it like FatGirlSwim suggests, answer any questions they may have factually but spare them your issues

Yes I do like that, Thankyou