How did you cope the day your husband left?

[butterflyandbees]

My husband is still in the home and likely to be for weeks, today I realised that the day would come when I would really see him go. I still love him so much, the news that he wants to go is less than a week old and still feels unreal, I keep thinking it was a dream. For those who have been in that situation, how did you cope, did you stay home and watch him leave or just go out for the day and come home to the empty house, either option is frightening to me.

I was out when he left.

I came home, changed the locks and took the kids on a last minute holiday.

Onwards and definitely upwards OP.

By the time he goes you'll be glad to see the back of him. You'll sit down with a cup of tea, look around, and be really fucking glad he isn't there.

Stay strong OP, sorry you're struggling at the moment. You'll get there.

Oh lass I'm so sorry you're going through this, it's awful. Really awful. I was at work and came home to find no trace of him and it was surreal and so sad to be honest. I love the idea of getting away from it all for a bit... Hope you're ok. Try to plan some nice treats just for you, even just a deep relaxing bubble bath, new book, nail polish, nice food. Remember to look after you, I still haven't mastered that bit yet.

My STBEXH walked out - then came home for around a week just to get his things sorted really. We have 3 young children. I took them out for the day that he actually left. He left me to tell our eldest so I had no choice but to do that when we came back to an empty house. In my case it was very sudden - no warning and literally he'd gone in less than 2 weeks but I'm glad of that now as I found it upsetting him being in the house and at least I didn't have weeks and weeks of build up to dwell on. If he's instigating the split I'd probably just try and tell him to go now. It's cruel I think to expect you to have to live with him during this period

Thank you for your lovely support. Today I went round to chat to a neighbour and when I came back in he was screaming in my face that I had been out to long and needed to be working to help him leave asap. Never in 16 years has he shouted at me. It is definitely surreal. A lovely kind man, who has now developed this alternate personality. Maybe you are right, when the time comes it might be easier as I am shaking with fear and feel I have to agree with whatever he wants to keep my lovely home. I don't know how I will pay for it yet, but I really don't want to move. Antidepressants not yet doing their job, so I am hoping they give me some respite in the coming weeks. He has been working from 6am to 1am some nights, we work from home until he takes our business as his own and leaves me the house, so no income except cleaning and a tiny pension, job hunting feeling like this is so difficult.

Op have you had legal advice?

It will be a strange experience. Even though I badly wanted him out of the house. I went away for a week and told him to get out and take his stuff with him . When I came back , he was gone and had taken a picture off the wall - that made me cry . It was so terribly sad . But now , it is OK and a nice new picture in its place.
Your DH doesn't get to call the shots regarding the business and the house , especially if you are listed as an owner or an employee . Please seek legal advice .

Mine got removed by the police in handcuffs. I spent that day trying to remove the word 'butch' that he had carved into the kitchen wall, and then took the kids out for a pizza. Sudden, but a huge relief.

Bitch, not but butch

I think the bitch comment in the wall would have broken me to pieces, good that you did something so lovely and positive for you kids. We are doing the legal stuff nicely so as not to add pressure, but the emotional pain is unbearable. I find myself thinking I don't have to do anything stupid today, I can always do it tomorrow if I really need to. Thinking of an exit just helps me manage the intense fear and heartbreak. I wish I could turn off the feelings of love I have for him, but because this change is so shocking and recent, I haven't been able to do that.

It really sucks because he is months ahead of you. There was a YouTube video called how to mend a broken heart and it recommended writing a list of his worst qualities and the things that really annoy you. Go to town on it. Snoring, farting, always late, rubbish taste in clothes. Add to it and remember he is no longer your friend.

Mine cleared his stuff whilst I was away which was more brutal but at least it was over and done with. Secure important documents and get them to a friend for safe keeping. If you have a joint account take half and put it one of your own. Remember this is him and not you and lawyer up. Also get a drs appointment if you think he has been sleeping around. The anger is going to kick in soon but for now think smart, play the long game and stay safe.

@butterflyandbees Hi OP how are you doing?

Thank you so much for asking, he is still here, has a date to move on the 7th of Feb, I have such mixed feelings, we have been getting on better since I have given up any mention of repairing the marriage. If we discuss neutral topics all is well, any talk of the relationship sends him straight into a temper. I have avoided doing this at all costs. Mortgages are sorted so house is now mine, I have got some zero contract work and continue house cleaning, I need more work and have put up adverts. Feeling of love are trickling away, but fear of how I will manage financially is a huge worry. How are things going with you?

@butterflyandbees Sorry for delay in replying. I’m glad you have your house situation sorted, it’s good that you have some security in that way. I hope you can find some additional work soon. Im Ok breaking up with DP so hard esp as we have a son. I was just touched by your post. There are better times ahead and we just have to hold onto that thought!

Thank you so much for your support, it is a very difficult situation and I hope your DS is doing well. I am lucky to have found some shop work as well, which will help me manage, he completes on his house Friday. I am now thinking it will be better when he goes, as the living situation is not ideal for stress, walking on eggshells so as not to make him angry. I have taken off wedding ring which is a big step forward for me and bought myself a spinner ring. Hopefully we both have much better times ahead.