Likelyhood in keeping family home

[SJMummy50]

My husband has been in an affair for 2 years. He spends some time at his affair partner's house and some time here at our family home. We are in the divorce process. We have two young children (6 and 10) and have agreeed 50% co-prenting arrangements when the time comes. I would like to keep the family home. It would cost me around £150K to buy him out (half equity). I can not afford this but reckon I could get to £100K max. He is admant he wants half the equity. What are my chances of keeping the home on the basis that it provides stability for the children? I don't think he stays enough at his affair partner's house for me to claim cohabitation and he 'reckons' he wants to live independent of her. Any experiences/advice much welcomed!

If he is not willing to negotiation

Can he but you out?

The kids have stability and also you can move on quicker and not loose monet in any court battles over equity

Buy

What's the situation with pensions and other assets? He might be up for giving you 50k house equity if you don't touch 50k of his pension or other assets.

Pensions are similar and no other substantial assets. I suggested he keep a % ownership of the house to cover off the shortfall or even take a monthly amount but he seems more intent on me having to sell the house that the kids have grown up in and is close to their school.

He can't afford to buy me out. The horrible thing is I know he will join his affair partner in buying a place, she has a good income.

If you have the children 50:50 and have similar earning potential / no other assets then 50:50 would seem a likely split. Some people get a higher split in their favour but usually when they have the dc for a higher % of the time / their earning potential is affected by childcare. Is the 50:50 childcare split fair eg you are both doing before and after school care / holidays etc and not just an equal number of nights. This is the downside of splitting assets before you live separately as often promises to do 50:50 childcare dont materialise in reality. If you are doing more than 50:50 childcare now then stop. Just dont be available 3.5 days a week to help out so he knows thats what 50:50 means.

Are you doing 50:50 parenting now?

I reckon I'm doing 60-70% parental care at present. I was told to log his nights away at the other house- about 120 nights away in the last 12 months. We are still early in the process so there is a chance the equity reduces over the next few months if house prices fall.

I'm also wondering if the equity falls, so that the shirtfall I owe him is lower, he may accept that, rather then have a long and expensive process.

If he isn't doing 50:50 now why has that been agreed going forward or is it because he wants 50% of the equity?

After 2 years it's seems care has been split 60:40ish

50:50 child care in future based on a clean arrangement- 7 days with him, 7 days with me.

If you’ve agreed 50/50, and pensions and other assets are equal, then the house is likely to be split 50/50 too. Courts like to see children have equitable living standards with each parent, as much as possible.

Yes, I guess the difficult thing is I will have to rent a small place if we sell and he will team up with new partner and buy (South East England so not much rental) - so it will not be equitable living space for the children- whereas, if he took a bit less then 50% of equity and purchased with his partner- the children would have equitable living space- just seems so unfair.

Her income doesn’t come into it though.

You need to find a way to convince him. Calling him unfair probably isn’t the way to do it. What can you negotiate around or influence him on.

Otherwise you go to court and persuade the judge.

But maybe you need to think about the financial implications of borrowing so much at this time if prices are falling and the cost of borrowing is rising.

I think you are right about needing a way to convince him. I was trying to do that through mediation but he decided to walk away before we really had chance to get into the detail of the finances, purely because I said I don't want to sell the house for the kids sake but I can not afford the full 50%.

I think that you need a better argument than the house provides stability for the children. It’s a pretty easy one for him to shoot down.

Have you looked at housing options locally. A judge will want to see whether or not there are affordable alternatives that keep the children in school and close to their father. But that works for him as well.

To make his point all your ex has to do is present affordable houses or flats for a family of 3 local to current schools.

Hi- if we both walked away with 50/50, we would both struggle to purchase 3 bedroom places and get back on the property ladder (he would not struggle if he joins his partner but ignoring that fact for now). We both could rent- although there are limited options. I thought I had read that a judge will consider the children in some way when it comes to forcing a property sale- but maybe i have put too much weight on that.

Out of interest could you afford a two bedroom place if you sold up?

Yes, could probably get on the property ladder with a 2 bed place. That would mean the 2 children sharing a bedroom.

I happen to be filling out D81 forms at the moment and at the bottom you have to declare whether you are in a relationship and intend to co habit so on your forms you could state that he likely has every intention to co habit and therefore his housing needs are less?

Thank you, I will certainly look at that. I know he has also helped furnish the other house (she moved in around 18 months ago). He works there during the day and spends nights there on and off.