Christmas question

[custodyqus]

Hi quick question but massive post! My exh will be having our children one evening a week for a few hours (Thursday) then overnight Thursday to Monday once a month. Currently due to the age of the children (1 and 3) it sounds like it will work well for us. He will have them for the weekend twice per month when they are older and he can see them more in the evenings if he wants but he wont due to "work (aka other woman)".

The sticking point is Christmas, he wants them for every other Christmas Day but because he wants to spend it with his family who live 3 hours drive away he wants to take them from Christmas Eve to Boxing Day. I’m happy with every other Christmas or even sharing Christmas but would like to see them for some of the day.

Is it fair on young children to do what he wants? The magic for Christmas for me was waking up at home and spending all day in PJs etc.

I will recreate a special “home Christmas” on another day if needed but wondered what the norm was. He doesn’t have them half the time so seems unfair he gets them half the Christmases!

Also, what do you do when your children aren’t there if you have no one to spend it with (I have no family and have friends but none I know well enough to want to gatecrash their Christmas)

How do not have any friends or family? That’s tough.

My partner’s court ordered 50/50 arrangement is based on set changeover patterns with no special arrangement for Christmas Day. Changeover in holidays is on a day of the week and so means that one parent could have DSD for all of Christmas depending on when Christmas falls relative to changeover day. On the years my partner doesn’t have his daughter, we’ve always done a mini-Christmas the next time she is with us. On the years we have her, sometimes it’s at home just us, sometimes it’s the big mad Christmas at his parents who live more than four hours away with all the cousins.

I got every Christmas by court order....ex barely has the kids, 2 nights per fortnight (EOW) and declined half of school holidays - so Xmas is mine even if it falls on their EOW

Christmas day and the children's birthdays are a no-negotiable for me also. I know its an unpopular opinion (although I tend to find only amongst people who haven't been in this situation directly themselves) but my husband had an affair and left the family home through his own choice. That choice had consequences. The consequence was that he wont see the children on those special days. I had my children with the intention of spending this time with them, he is the one that has altered the course of our family and so therefore he has to be the one that misses out.

To add - the children are perfectly happy to spend these days with me as we always have and will celebrate those "special" events with him on a separate day.

It should be about the children every time.
My ex and I swap each year. Xmas eve through to around lunchtime boxing day (depending where we are) and then whoever gets them after xmas has them till new years day or day after. I have xmas this year so will probably offer him to have them overnight for an extra a day or so before hand but generally we just figure it out.
Yes its hard not having them for xmas but I have great friends who wouldnt let me be alone and family to spend the day with.

Splitting Christmas Day sucks for everyone. It's a pain in the arse for parents to make plans and it's bloody awful for the kids. I can say this with experience. With my DC, we alternate Christmas, with my SC we have to have a switch early afternoon and it's a giant pain in the arse for everyone involved. By far the best way for kids is alternate, a split day is only ever for the parents benefit.