50/50 childcare

[vileta]

DH wants 50/50 child maintenance not because he doesn't want to support me financially but he never did anything around the house, works full time, he can't look after himself or let alone our child. He had issues with alcohol abuse stopped drinking now has a major depression. Not seeing anyone for it. I know he want to majorly step up to be the best dad but I don't think a 2 year old should be separated from his mum for that long. DS didn't see his dad for a week while on business trip and really never asked about him. Is DH unreasonable thinking he can get 50/50?

I think you should take the advice from your other thread, and report his violence.

Report that he shouted in front of our son, broke the door and grabbed me? Would they take this seriously? It's my word against his... I can't say I fear for my life or health... how does this work? What if our relationship break down completely after that and we'll not be able to agree

I can't say I fear for my life or health..

Yet..

Do you mean 50/50 custody not maintenance?

My advice would be mention the domestic abuse to your gp or hv and get it documented on medical records. He's unlikely to get 50/50 then.

A friend said if I mention domestic abuse to gp social services would be involved. I'd never get a friendly divorce with us agreeing on things and being able to do-parent without resentment. He's depressed and shouts etc, I know he won't hurt me or our son. Not an excuse and not okay environment hence I am leaving. But I think he should be able to sort himself out and definitely can handle having our son for a day out or weekend. But not 50/50. He wants 50/50 childcare arrangement but also agrees to financially support us as much as he can. So it's not to bail out of child support he misses his son. I did say though you can see him everyday if you want but he doesn't have to stay with you overnight...

It’s bollocks, they ALL say that, and yet when they look at the reality of that - that they are 100% responsible for the child for 50% of the month, they’re like “what? How do I go to work then?”

ita laughable.

@vvileta have you thought about signing up for mediation? To try and talk through what each of you wants and why you each think it's best for you DC?
My advice to you would be to stay out of family court at all costs or the decision will be taken away from both of you and will build so much resentment. Family court, especially when domestic abuse is involved, is by a design flaw made to pit parents against each other. It does nothing but create a hostile environment one parent against the other so to speak. I know some people have no choice but if you and your ex are still able to communicate, please try and work on this rather than going to court.
Obviously do this in a safe environment if domestic abuse is involved.

How do you think things will pan out if you trial 50/50? When faced with the reality of parenting a 2 year old is there a chance that he will change his mind? Does he have someone local (like his mum) who he's likely to use?
Does he travel on business often? 50/50 isn't usually one week on one week off until the child is older.

Or alternatively try looking at the 2-2-3 arrangement. It is technically a 50/50 split but over short periods of time which is good for smaller children

@Chuntypops that's what I hope will happen!

He's got his mum not far but I currently live with her and she's on my side well at least at the moment.

My ex is also an alcoholic. He wanted 50:50 until he realised that he wouldn't be able to go to the pub with his mates on a Friday night and he would have to do half of school runs.

He thought he could choose the 50% of hours in a week to suit him, so from 11.30pm - 7am five days a week plus all Saturday and Sunday afternoons, but with me in the wings to take over whenever he decided he wanted a glass, or to go elsewhere.

When I explained that 50:50 means 50% of school runs, 50% of cooking, washing, 50% of tummy upsets and parents evenings, he changed his mind.

Now he does 6 hours a week and 14 nights a year.