Separation and Xmas presents

[20weeksandcounting2023]

Fairly recently separated so first Xmas apart - we have young children. Split is neither amicable or not amicable if that makes sense - he instigated, just left one day. Barely any contact with me and children.

Agreed he can see the children Xmas eve.
I was thinking about doing him a Xmas stocking from the kids so do I tell him we are to avoid embarrassment when he doesn't do the same for me? Or just wait for the inevitable awkwardness when he turns up with nothing? And then our eldest may feel upset I have nothing?

His time with the children should be about them. There is no need to do anything.

Please also for their sake sort out shared care. He shouldn’t be “allowed” to see his children and he should have time with them without you in his own space. Imagine if you were only allowed to see your children.

Hi lovely, I think your question is perfectly reasonable as I have been thinking the same thing. My husband left me 15 weeks ago and he has someone else so it's been really difficult. My son is older but doesn't have money so even though I think his dad is a complete shit I'm still going to get him a gift to give to his dad. I understand your way of thinking, if I were you I'd put the gift into a bag that the child will be taking or can take and just ask your child to give the gift to their father when your not in the room, maybe wrap yourself something little and just say dad had forgotten to hand it over when he first came. Your only doing it to ease your childs pain. My husband has been ALLOWED to see his son whenever he wants, he has seen him 4 times in total.Maybe your husband is acting in the same way as mine is and hardly bothering with his child. If you wish so give him a heads up that your getting him something, hopefully your husband will be kind enough to think about how his children would feel if he didn't give you anything at all. I'm dreading christmas and find it really upsetting to see my ex but hopefully he will get to see his dad for awhile anyway. Good luck xx

I didn't use the word "allow" I said "agree" not the same thing

And there is no "his space without me there" - he is sharing with a male friend I've never met at an address I don't even know. The children won't be going there.

I’d get my ex a present from the children and make sure someone sorted out them giving a present to me (probably my parents). Don’t think it needs to come from your ex. I’ll let my toddler choose something for daddy so it will be small and probably a bit odd. It’s for my children’s benefit.

Some men aren’t really interested in shared care. My ex wasn’t particularly interested in shared care while we were together and has no desire to have children to stay at the moment. He very occasionally comes over to do bedtime but when I tried to leave him to it last time he got annoyed that I had wandered off and he also doesn’t like bathing them alone. I’m hoping he’ll get a bit more confidence/ interest in them over time. If he sees them at Christmas it will be because I’ve invited him round. No one is stopping him having them as much as he likes.

I wouldn’t