Threats?!?

[EmmaMarie18]

Basically..long story short..my ex left 7 weeks ago..the same day he had left I coincidentally found out that he had slept with someone he works with 😔 (think he knew it was guna come out that's why he left when he did)

At the time he left I was naturally upset and very angry to say the least at what I had found out! I did call him a few choice words and names in messages I'll be honest! This was when he first left and I haven't mentioned or called him names since as much as it still upsets me

This evening now he's mentioned the messages how it caused him 'distress' and reminding me that he has these messages to evidence my behaviour and how it made him feel even though it was over 6 weeks ago and the fact or reason behind why I sent them and why I was so upset/angry he's totally ignoring that part! He's not even acknowledging that there have been no name calling messages for the past 6 weeks again since he was caught with his pants down

I just feel a bit threatened by this. It's as if he's reminding me he has the messages and basically he could report me if he wanted to 🤯🤯 he's a total utter control freak

He's threatening to tell on you for calling him names? To who? His mummy? The teacher?

Unless you threatened to physically harm him you don't need to worry. He's trying to deflect away from his own utterly abhorrent, inexcusable, dirty behaviour. What a prince!

Sounds like you're well rid.

Report you to who, the text police?

If you have no kids block his number and ignore his shit. Don't text again just leave it. Bloody great manchild

Report you to who? For what, telling him the truth……”x, you are a lying, cheating wanker”……he might not like it, but it’s the truth. Unlucky for him that you’ve seen his true colours, but tough shit!! Block and ignore.

Text messages can be used as evidence of harassment and abuse. It is malicious communication and it is a crime in the UK. A link below shows how this can be reported.

west-midlands.police.uk/your-options/malicious-communications#

The police are caught between a rock and a hard place on these issues. It is a waste of their time to follow up a few angry words sent during a break up and never again. On the other hand these might be first reports from someone who has endured or will endure endless abuse and harassment.

Your ex has told you these messages and name calling are distressing. This is where it must now stop if you don’t want to make any report more likely or more serious. Stop communicating with him entirely. That will work in your favour if he reports.

The police won't be interested. They don't have the resources (or inclination) to solve real crimes, let alone get involved in this. Don't worry about it Op.

I literally probably sent him some messages when I first found out calling him a cheating t*#t telling him how he's ruined mine and the kids lives and how much I hated him basically, yes I swore but made no threats to cause him any harm etc just name calling about him being unfaithful 🤷🏼‍♀️

That was 6 weeks ago and every message since I've kept to the point, and if anything considering what he's done I've been civil!

We have a son together so I'm not fortunate enough to be able to block the vile specimen 😔

He's done nothing but play mind games since it's been horrendous! I've put up with so much over the last 4 years 😔 It's all coercive control with him..I have got an appointment this week with a local DV service just to see if they can help as I feel like I'm going out of my mind and maybe imagined his behaviour i just don't know anymore

It just felt that he had to remind me of these messages a little dig..I 100% know he'd probably been drinking when he sent them too I could tell how they were written

Sorry you’re going through this.

He’s trying to find a way for this to be your fault, when it’s clearly all of his own doing.

I’d actually be laughing at him? Report to who exactly? He’s got no right to feel distressed by simply having the truth of being a cheating twat spelled out to him.

This is him still trying to control you, by trying to turn him into the victim, he’s still playing mind games but now you’re in a place where you can see through it all.

Im glad you’re going to see a DV support service, good luck with everything.

@Changingplace thank you 🥹

He is a massive control freak! Even to the point yesterday he'd text to ask if I had been in a crash in the car..I know he only sent this as my other car was not on the drive and is actually in the garage having the clutch done but he'd made out he'd been informed I'd had a car crash..I know it was purely to find out where the car is 😔 I can't stick the next 10+ years of his ways he's horrendous

I'm just hoping they can offer me something I'll take anything if it helps

@EmmaMarie18 how irritating, remember he’s got no right to know where your car is or any other random questions he sends you (unless it’s about your kids).

Anything like that again, you’re under no obligation to answer him at all, it’s none of his business where your car is - 100% about control and him wanting to know things that are now nothing to do with him.

Sweety, he is just gaslighting you to make this all about you and your behaviour. You need to not message him again and think of yourself and kids. Get a solicitor because it looks like he is already going down that route probably to take any money you have, rather than the police. When someone starts talking about “evidence” they are building a case. You should be doing the same. Please Confide in your friends and family too. Take care of yourself.

Do not worry. Abusive texts need to be over a prolonged period of time to be harassment.

If it was a one off reaction to his crappy behaviour fdont fret, you are human. He has nothing on you and frankly the police have better things to do im sure.

@EmmaMarie18
There is no threat. Neither the courts nor the police have any interest in his cheating nor in your angry spewing off upon discovery of his cheating. This is a total non-starter.
There is no one to tell.

You should refocus your concern on getting CM in place. Your only involvement with him should be to develop a healthy co-parenting relationship in place.

No one's life has been ruined. Clearly, he was not committed to fidelity and most people do not choose to cheat if they are happy in their relationship.

Get your CM in place,and accept the fact that you have likely dodged a bullet. You son will always have a father, and you are free to seek a more compatible relationship.

What was his reply? Did he swear back?

Texts have timestamps. If insanely it went any further, i would point out the date of break up and the date of texts. Then state no further choice words. It just will look like tit for tat tbh. If thats all he has on you is a one off exchange he will implicate himself in all honesty, tell him to go for it.