Help Please

[dogmama1]

Can anyone help me!!

My husband came home last evening and told me he is done with our relationship, he wants out and wants the house sold so he can move on. Literally bombarded me with it all within 30 minutes of being home. Shell shocked isn't the word..... I'm devastated and dun-founded. I won't go into details as I don't have the composure right now.

But I'm 30, we own a home together, have been here for 6 years. I'm so determined not to loose my home here, I worked so so hard to get here. It's decorated just as I like, I have three dogs who love it here, it's my home... and I don't want to loose everything because he's decided he doesn't care for it anymore.

My question is about buying him out ; anyone who's been through it able to offer advice.

I've done a lot of googling and this is the conclusion I came to, but I'm not sure if I am right.

Would I need to get a valuation done on the property, then deduct the remaining mortgage from that valuation, and whatever the equity is I would have to pay him 50%?

Allowing of course that the bank would allow me to transfer it solely into my name. I could have a guarantor if needed. But I could more than afford the home and bills alone.

We have debt, but it's his. Which would be cleared from my name.

No kids.

Just frantically looking for guidance and an insight... feeling very stuck. Don't want to loose everything

Also, my engagement ring was damaged last month, a stone fell out. He chased down the jewellery store, made arrangements for us to go in to have it sorted. They couldn't fix it, and couldn't replace like for like because the style was discontinued. There was another similar style ring in the store, which was more expensive than the original and would mean having to pay an additional £200.
He did it?? It was ordered, and was ready to be collected this weekend just gone. I worked the Saturday and came home and he hadn't been well with a nasty cold for a few days, but he said he was going to go over and collect it today to surprise me, but just felt too ill. Which was fine, we went and collected it on Sunday....

Why do all of this. If you knew you had every intention of ending it..... it doesn't make sense. He tells me he's been checked out for months, because he doesn't care anymore.

is it possible he used you to get a house?

He proposed after we'd brought the property. So it would seem odd to do so. And he's claiming the house is now a nouce around his neck because he's stuck...
so seems unlikely. He won't have gained much.

You are probably in shock. The initial feelings of humiliation and feeling like a failure are normal in my personal experience of divorce.

Telling family is horrible but you feel better after as you are probably finding.

Negative feelings like this will pass (although it can take a fair few months) and longer term you will see that you want and deserve a healthy supportive relationship with someone.

At first you can feel a bit like what will people say etc,. However, from personal experience, once you get over the initial break up, I discovered it made me more interesting, more emotionally attuned to others, gave me more empathy and life experience and offers so many new beginnings and new experiences. Sometimes life sends us complete crap which longer term sends us down a better path.

You are in the shock stage, its natural, but things will get better.
Counselling should help you get through this easier and manage your emotions.
When I was going through a divorce, exercising alot helped tons.
Try not to think about what other people think about it, they don't matter.
You are still young enough to have a baby and have plenty of time to find someone who wants the same. If you still want to attempt reconciliation and think the man is worth it, consider suggesting marriage counselling but if he is unsupportive and callous and blaming you for everything, he is probably not worth having.

He isn't open to trying anything. I of course when all said, told him I don't want this, that I'm devastated and that nothing is unfixable here and we'd be made to throw everything away for this.
He point blank told me his mind was made up and nothing I would say would change that.

I just feel like I'm in physical pain. It's debilitating....
my family and friend has been great, but, I still feel so alone. Knowing they're all at home with their significant others, kids, happy ....

I feel so fucking rejected.

Well atleast you tried so won't have regrets later.

Going through divorce it can be hard to be around happy couples and families for a while. There are lots of groups though on Meetup where you can find single people going through divorce or who have been through it. Getting to know people who have been in a similar boat can really help you not feel so alone.

Also focusing on activities you enjoy and putting your energies in to those will help. Good your mum is there for you too. Try to focus on how to keep yourself happy going forward. Speaking to a solicitor will help ease the anxiety about who gets what a bit, but alot comes down to negotiating.