Missing my child- does it get better?

[helplesshopeless]

It's been over a year now that I've been divorced. My 4yo spends 8/14 nights with me. I would have thought it would get easier over time and in some ways it has, but I feel like I'm missing her more now than ever when she's with her dad. Especially when we're discussing things like Christmas plans etc.

Does it ever get easier? Just feel like I have a rock in my stomach whenever she's away from me and I can't shift the feeling. The idea of not having her with me for Christmas dinner this year is gut wrenching

It doesn't help that she was crying about wanting to go on holiday with us both together rather than separately the other day

Yes it gets easier over time.

You need to fill your time when you're not together so you're not just dwelling on it.

I wish I had a chance to miss my kids but my ex won’t have them, yes I think it gets easier you have to make time for yourself you are not just a mum use that time to do things for yourself That you would strUggle to do otherwise.

I have lots of other lovely things happening when I'm not with her - I have a lovely bf who I see and keep busy with friends etc. but I do feel on the brink of tears sometimes despite that. Just feels like nothing will ever be easy again!

I’m with you there OP, I’m a few months into separation and when my little one goes off to exes it kills me a little inside.
Its hard to find things to fill the time.

I sympathise OP. I would hate it too.

I imagine it will get easier when she is older but right now YANBU.

I sm 6 years in and I well remember that awful feeling of emptiness and also guilt too that regardless whose 'fault' it was, I had children who would have to live their childhood across two homes. I couldn't bear to go into their rooms and if I did the tears would often flow. Honestly, I think it's totally normal at the stage you are at, relatively early days. It does get easier, less painful, less acute but those feelings have never disappeared entirely. How could they? These are the people I love most in the world and I'm not with them half the time, they are having experiences I'm not part of, I simply miss them. It is what it is and you put one foot in front of the other, build up your other life, etc. But don't be afraid to feel what you feel either.

It's been 6 years for me and it does get easier, but there are still times where I feel like you do. I go through stages, a lot of anger for the fact they have to be away from me (split was because he was cheating), but mainly the gut wrench of missing them.

Christmas is the worst time for me.

Seeing the struggle with it is horrible too. Sending hugs OP, try and fill your time with things you enjoy but can't do when DC are around

I found it did get easier. I used the time to do all my household chores and some batch cooking. So when they were home I was fully available with them.

I do feel huge guilt, it was me who made the decision to leave the marriage and everyone was telling me that children adjust to it but it's still not the life I wanted for her and I feel selfish for putting her in this position. Missing her just compounds those feelings of guilt I think. I am dreading Christmas and having to try to act happy with my bf's family

Good evening, I am new to all this but need some advice please.

I have shared care of my child, which is great. However i work shifts and on my days off off i have him. Problem is when i am working nights my ex still drops him off when I get home expecting me to still do the school run and also pick him up after school so they can work normally. To be honest it is draining as I then get very little sleep and do another night shift. Does this seem fair. Any opinions appreciated. How can I change it.

What would you suggest your ex do? Keep him on the days he/she works?

One of you will need to change your work pattern. Which one I guess depends on which of you has more flexibility at work. (If you get on well enough to discuss this). If not, would mediation help?

You need to organise your own Christmas on a day she is with you, special dinner that doesn’t have to be Turkey. Plus do trips to Father Christmas etc. Christmas isn’t just one day.

I feel this too. I'm 15 months in and I feel rotten when they're gone. Have had suicidal thoughts.

Currently they're with ex 3 nights out of 14 but they're away from me 4 days one week and he has them after school at least one day a week so it really amounts to 5-6 days out of 14 they're with him (and the 'girlfriend' he was having an affair with when we spit plus her children).

It's shit. Kids get used to it but it
isn't in their interests to be passed back and forth.

As a child of divorced parents I know how much a child can yearn for their parents to be together. My youngest still draws pictures of the four of us.