I am a longtime MNer been here way before my marriage fell apart. I have namechanged because not sure my previous username is anonymous.
This may be long. My apologies.
Married for 11years. Four kids. Abusive marriage.
DH bought his flat 5 months before we married. The marriage started falling apart from the very next day after the wedding.
5 years into marriage he sold the flat without my consent. I didn't actually know when the house actually sold. Years later I found the document where my signature was forged on the sale documents.
After the sale of the flat, we moved into rented property. He then told me, he was leaving his very well paid regular employment to become self employed. This would involve lots of travelling and being away for days and sometimes weeks.
I used my Annual Leave and swapping of shifts to cover childcare. That wasn't enough, so I ended up taking a break from my career and doing locum shifts. This way I could work when I had childcare. I supported myself and DC.
He was putting away 10-20k every every month in savings. He does not know I know about these accounts. We (he) also bought some Gold. I don't know how much.
After 3 years, I resumed my career because he was not supportive and I was literally unable to make financial ends meet. The marriage limped along for a further 2 plus years and ended the day he became physical.
After separation, he continuously threatened to kidnap them. He threatened I would never see them. I had DC 100% of the time and he would not support them. After going through CMS for 11 months he eventually owned up to his 'true' earnings and started paying child maintenance.
He worked and bought the flat in another name (a relative's name). He changed to his real name officially 2 years into our marriage.
The only assets that I know of we have to share is a house he bought in another country, the savings and the gold.
He has vowed I would not get a dime.
A year ago, he bought a lovely big 5 bedroom house. This hurt.
Especially, as DC and I had to relocate to a more affordable less desirable area to afford rent.
Currently (5 years plus from separation),
- he has DC every other weekend and half of holidays when he is in the country. Not court ordered. He still threatens kidnapping DC from time to time.
- He pays child maintenance. Not what he should but he pays it every month unfailingly.
- We have got our decree nisi.
He has refused to provide his Form E.
My solicitors feel the only way to go is via court. They have adviced I would need 20-25k, maybe 30k. Free sessions with other solicitors indicate similar opinions.
Even though I have a good job, I can't afford court. DC and I are just about getting by. I am too anxious about getting a loan as I have credit card debts I am trying very hard to pay off. I am also uncertain going to court would be successful. He is self employed and ABSOLUTELY very determined that I do not get a dime.
I can't represent myself
- as I would still need 5-15k depending on how much help I ask from solicitors.
- I am also still very scared of him. I can't explain why I am.
- Mentally, I don't think I can cope with how hard he is going to fight this. He is not above lying, being petty, going below the belt.
- My job is very demanding. Between my job, DC and my mental health, it will be too much.
Almost 6 years later, he is furious that I called the police for help the day he hit me. He is furious that I did not beg him to take me back after he walked out because I called the police.
I am thinking about leaving everything, not pursuing a financial settlement and just going for a clean break. I need to start building my future.
I feel like this is the wise thing to do. But am I giving in to my fear of him? Is there some way of handling this that I am overlooking?
Thank you if you got to the end of this.
I go into a crazy shift pattern this week at work (really long unsocial hours), please excuse me if I don't respond to posts in a timely manner. But I will come back regularly to check for responses. I can't seem to think clearly about this. I appreciate any help. Advice. Or confirmation that I am being wise and not being stupid.