Broke up with BF i live with but now he wants to try again

[carrieivie]

so weve been together & living together 5 years have a daughter 4 years old, first year great, daughter was born he logged out, never helped, always on xbox, never took her anywhere, ignored her and me.

i tried really hard first three years talking to him trying to get him to “change” help me and out relationship, feel on deaf ears.

now iv broke up with him 4 days ago, he was crying really emotional first two days, then was ok ovi was awkward round the house , but now iv come home to flowers, gifts etc and a card asking me back.

Also he says he cant afford to move out

what is your experience with breaking up with BD who lives with you?

im not going back to him just want to talk about break up experiences even some opinions.

What's the situation with the housing? Do you rent, is it shared, does he live with you, or vice versa?

If you have made up your mind and it is over, then it's admin in order to create two seperate homes. Find out what your bills are etc and look at what your options are.

I would suggest not trying to stay living together when seperated, if you thought it was difficult before, it won't get any easier because he's pulled a card and some chocolates out from up his sleeve.

Don't wanste any time, look into how you split up properly and keep things as neat as possible without dragging each other through it even more.

So its my house i rent tenancy is in my name, he gives me £600 a month for bills, iv looked into it and he can get a little studio or rent a room for £600 a month but hes never lived on his own so im seeing resistance from him, do not want to have to kick him out, of course im giving him a month or two before moving out i dont expect it to be instant, just hope it dont get nasty

yes thats exactly what i want nice clean split, anxious of whats to come from his side to be honest, what if he wont move out what if he dont see our daughter etc

its a process im realising this now.

Stick to your guns. Give him fair notice to find somewhere if he's got nowhere to go temporarily (parents?) but don't let finding somewhere become your problem. He's been a crap partner, you've done your best to try and get him to step up. He hasn't. I think if you let him stay it will be more of the same. He is more than capable of living alone as an adult. Thousands do it. Be very firm that whatever date you set stands, he needs to be gone by then. I'd call it a month rather than 2 otherwise that takes you up.to Christmas and New year when there might be delays with lettings agencies etc plus further opportunities for emotionally leaning on you.

Sounds like he's realised he can't afford to live separately and pay CM so now has decided to play nicely and stop being lazy. It won't last. You need to give him fair notice and a fixed departure date.

I've had two live-in boyfriends where the house was mine. Both have taken liberties within 6 months - financial and not taking care of my possessions.

First one, I left the fridge empty, turned the heating down, cooked things I liked rather than what he liked etc, and made it less comfortable for him. He left quite quickly.

The second one took months to finally get rid of. He left a huge trailer in my garden and refused to move it. In the end I sold the wretched thing, then phoned him & told him. Oddly it was gone by that evening when I got home.
One thing, lock anything valuable away - jewellery, gadgets etc. Amazing what can 'go missing'

haha, Of course he's trying to win you back - he's had a lovely life, costing him just £600 a month and has had to do very little. I assume that as well as all the childcare you do the cooking and cleaning and shopping and all the rest?

You need to stick to your guns. However, I warn you that it can be quite difficult to force him out. If he's not on the lease, I believe it's a bit easier and you can arguably refuse him entrance etc, but you might want to check that.

Great. Then I would get very clear what you want, and when you are, give him a date by which you would like him and his things to have moved out. Where he goes isn't yours to work out. He's a grown man, so whether he decides he is capable of living without a woman looking after him and finds his own place, or decides that he isn't and goes back to his mum then that's his business.

He will hopefully set himself up and be very involved in a healthy ongoing relationship with his daughter, but again, that isn't yours to manage.

If you are anxious of what is to come from his side, and expecting resistance, all the more reason to ask him to leave, stay firm and follow through. Any reasonable person would not stay with their feet wedged firmly under a table where it was clear they were not welcome.

I’m an old romantic. Give him a chance and see if it gets any better. That’s just me though.