Re: talking about what a fair split would be, think about whether you both really know what all the assets of the marriage are, and what each of them is worth.
To know what a fair split of assets is, and to reach a financial settlement, divorcing parties need to know what the all assets of the marriage are, and what each asset is worth.
Look at a Form E - when you have some time.
It's a long document in which each party sets out their assets, income and earnings, and financial needs. In Form E you can read about the assets that are taken into consideration upon divorce and in the financial settlement aspect, for example property (the former marital home/second homes), pensions, bonds, stocks and shares etc.
Form E also lists the documents needed to show the value of each of these assets for example CETVs (cash equivalent transfer values of pensions - which can be requested from pension providers).
Form E shows what full financial disclosure looks like
To find out what some of the assets are worth an independent expert can be used. Property can be valued by estate agents, pensions by CETV from the pension provider, and / or a pension on divorce expert (PODE) report, and so on.
If the offer is one party keeps the house and the other keeps their pensions, how do the parties know this is fair or 50 / 50 without valuations?
It is important to decide what needs a valuation by an independent expert and factor in the costs of these. The costs can be shared and instructions to the experts can be joint.
Pensions are sometimes overlooked. They can be very valuable – equivalent or more than the value of the former martial home in some cases. Divorcing parties might hold different types of pensions (not like-for-like, so difficult to compare without an expert). Circumstances might be complex for example an age difference or pensions in payment. One party may have stayed at home to look after children. @AnnaMagnani and @silentpool made some useful comment about it on this thread:
www.mumsnet.com/talk/divorce_separation/4664756-what-do-i-need-to-do-about-our-pensions?reply=121093079
A mediator can help. In some cases this is not appropriate - the mediator will advise. Mediators are a cost effective option and it's my (limited) understanding that parties receive a report on what been agreed which they sign (the mediation agreement).
www.familymediationcouncil.org.uk/find-local-mediator/
They say on the site, "Family mediation is a process in which an independent, professionally trained mediator helps you work out arrangements for children and finances following separation".
When splitting the assets of a marriage read about what is taken into consideration here:
www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1973/18/section/25
The income, earning capacity, property, and other financial resource which each of the parties to the marriage has or is likely to have in the foreseeable future.
As I understand it, first consideration is given to the welfare (while a minor) of any child of the family who has not yet attained the age of eighteen.
The needs of each divorcing party are taken into account and as I understand it 50 / 50 is the starting point – so unequal shares based on circumstances and needs is possible, for example 60 / 40.
Advice, Guides and Links
For a free advice session about pensions on divorce and separation go to www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/family-and-care/divorce-and-separation/divorce-or-dissolution-how-we-can-help-with-your-pension
Free advice line (busy so keep trying) rightsofwomen.org.uk
Guides on divorce and financial settlement (to read when you have time / energy)
www.advicenow.org.uk/guides/how-apply-financial-order-without-help-lawyer
Pensions on divorce information (to read when you have time / energy)
www.sharingpensions.co.uk/penaudit3.htm
www.mediateuk.co.uk/the-ultimate-guide-to-pensions-on-divorce/
www.nuffieldfoundation.org/news/new-good-practice-guide-addresses-shortfall-in-understanding-of-how-to-treat-pensions-on-divorce
Valuation of pensions – pensions on divorce expert report
www.collinspensionactuaries.co.uk no relation – useful website
www.collinspensionactuaries.co.uk/pension-data-collection/ templates for information required
Proper legal advice is needed.
(this is not my profession)
This link gives you an indication of hourly rate for solicitors
www.gov.uk/guidance/solicitors-guideline-hourly-rates
Some organisations offer free advice from solicitors and barristers rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/
On their FAQs page…”Our Legal Officers and Volunteer legal advisors are all solicitors and barristers”.
Some family solicitors offer an in initial free consultation and some a fixed fee rather than hourly.
Some barristers can be directly instructed e.g., via Clerksroom Direct