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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Bad Temper/ Abuse or just rough patch. Need to leave but struggling

5 replies

Gemski38 · 30/10/2022 11:40

So i have a rented house, 2 months now, but its standing empty as ive been struggling to let go and move out. I decided to try again, for the 100th time it feels like. i just wanted to write it down what happened, whats gone on, is it my fault? is this normal behaviour?

So 2 weekends ago we went out for some food, had a lovely night. Came home, watched a film, i had some wine and fell asleep. Once asleep, he went through my phone (again as he had done this a week before to) woke me up, ranting, swearing, calling me a f**g lesbian. He read all my messages to me friends from university, who have been helping and supporting me. Well he was saying i was a lesbian, ive been brain washed, uni has changed me. Calling me and my friend C**s 🙁 this went on for hours when we were laying in bed, him laying there threatening me, threatening my friends, saying he was going to go to their houses. Our son was laying between us, i was so scared i put 999 in my phone but didnt ring. I got up and went to the sofa downstairs, he came down and demanded i go back to bed, i said no, he pushed me, hit my hand away, was in my face saying “I will never go near you again”

In the morning he was slamming doors, scowling at me, i replied he had no right to be reading my messages again, he went mad and started shouting “fk off you lesbian, you had a choice, me or your fd up friends, you chose them”
I left and he was sending me vile texts all day.. then in the evening started saying he loves me, misses me etc 🙁

He manipulated me back, when i try to communicate about the things he did that night, the name calling, aggression, going through my phone, he excuses it all. Its always “yeh well i read hurtful things you have been saying about me, i was angry, do you blame me gem”

Its so confusing ,I hate him on times but i dont feel strong enough to leave. Am i in the wrong here? I feel the bad one for telling my friends things thats been going on xx

OP posts:
2022NewTimes · 30/10/2022 14:49

You must be walking on eggshells all the time you poor thing - never knowing whats going to set him off. He physically assaulted you when he pushed you. He is trying to alienate you from your friends as you will end up seeing them less if you stay with him as you know you will get shouted out later if you go and see them.
He is showing you who is - believe him as he will only get worse - the more you put up with the worse he will get as he knows he can.
Please read 'Why does he do that' by Lundy Bancroft - Please also watch on you-tube Dr Ramani .
Please understand that this is his problem and you cannot fix him. Please leave before your son gets older and see this behaviour. I put up with this kind of behaviour for 30 years before I left - it gets worse.....

2022NewTimes · 30/10/2022 14:50

Abuse thrives when we keep it hidden - you are doing the right thing by telling your friends

DancingWithYourDog · 31/10/2022 04:47

This is definitely abuse OP. Leave. Go. You can do this. I’ve been there and know that trauma bonds are hard to break but he is abusing you and it will only get worse. He knows exactly what he’s doing.

3487642l · 31/10/2022 04:51

It's much harder to leave an abusive dynamic and it can take several attempts. His behavior is abusive so know that what you are trying to do it hard and having support will help a lot, I suggest you reach out to women's aid.

CallieQ · 31/10/2022 04:52

L T B

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