So i have a rented house, 2 months now, but its standing empty as ive been struggling to let go and move out. I decided to try again, for the 100th time it feels like. i just wanted to write it down what happened, whats gone on, is it my fault? is this normal behaviour?
So 2 weekends ago we went out for some food, had a lovely night. Came home, watched a film, i had some wine and fell asleep. Once asleep, he went through my phone (again as he had done this a week before to) woke me up, ranting, swearing, calling me a f**g lesbian. He read all my messages to me friends from university, who have been helping and supporting me. Well he was saying i was a lesbian, ive been brain washed, uni has changed me. Calling me and my friend C**s 🙁 this went on for hours when we were laying in bed, him laying there threatening me, threatening my friends, saying he was going to go to their houses. Our son was laying between us, i was so scared i put 999 in my phone but didnt ring. I got up and went to the sofa downstairs, he came down and demanded i go back to bed, i said no, he pushed me, hit my hand away, was in my face saying “I will never go near you again”
In the morning he was slamming doors, scowling at me, i replied he had no right to be reading my messages again, he went mad and started shouting “fk off you lesbian, you had a choice, me or your fd up friends, you chose them”
I left and he was sending me vile texts all day.. then in the evening started saying he loves me, misses me etc 🙁
He manipulated me back, when i try to communicate about the things he did that night, the name calling, aggression, going through my phone, he excuses it all. Its always “yeh well i read hurtful things you have been saying about me, i was angry, do you blame me gem”
Its so confusing ,I hate him on times but i dont feel strong enough to leave. Am i in the wrong here? I feel the bad one for telling my friends things thats been going on xx