How did you co-parent?

[Myownworstenemy12]

I’ll keep this short and sweet for fear of being identified.

Recently split with spouse, wasn’t my decision and I obviously still love said spouse.

We share a child aged 1, which has worked thus far however I’m struggling to move on having to see ex every few days when coming to get/drop off our child.

Does anyone have any advice on how to move forward?

Is there anyone else that can facilitate hand over?

My STBEXH left around 8 weeks ago and I have 3 young children - 2 twins not much older than yours.

I would have said in the first week or two I afterwards I still loved him but I have to be honest several weeks later it's amazing how quick feelings can change....especially when you've been left literally holding the baby

I limit seeing him by going out to the shops if he sees the children at the house. If he collects eldest from school he drops her at door so I don't see him. He also only really only sees them every other weekend for a few hours. I'm strict about that - I'll probably got flamed for it - I don't want him around the house, seeing him most days playing at being the worlds greatest daddy

@Undecidedandtorn I tried that for a few days but it wasn’t really working.

@isthistheendtakeabreath
It’a funny I sort of feel a little bit similar that with every passing day my ex seems more and more like a stranger to me. Regardless of who’s fault the breakup was it amazing how someone can from claiming they love you, to leaving and then acting so cold. Boggles my mind.

When me and my ex first split I found it very difficult as there was a lot of anger there (from me). I just kept any conversation about the dc and didn't give him any eye contact when he dropped them home/picked them up. I learnt tips to help with other times such as sitting next to him, rather then opposite him so that i didn't have to look at him too much.

It got easier though and we now get on fine and co-parent very well. Emotions and anger gradually died down, I met someone else and I knew it was better for our dc if we could get along.

I just see my ex as a team mate / business partner in a deal neither of us can walk away from.

So:
Mutual goals aligned
Cooperation
Support and sone flexibility
But also hold each other to account to deliver
Discuss problems quickly - be to the point and focus on the behaviour not the person
Say thank you and mean it

Small talk: optional but not actually required
Emotion: nope, not required and likely will be detrimental to working together
Rudeness or personal digs: unacceptable and to be ignored in the moment - if need be follow up email to state it's not necessary or acceptable and let's make every effort to remember that please, thank you.

Get into that mindset and you eventually look at them and wonder how you ever bothered to shag then in the first place.